It's That Time of Year Again

Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate, loathe, detest and despise DST. I've had some friends tell me they missed my annual spring rant and rave on Facebook, since I gave that up some time ago. They all think it's funny. 

Today, we are not amused.

In fact, we are downright pissy. And tired. And counting down to November 3, the Glorious Return of my beloved Standard Time...in 236 days. Yes, I am counting...I have a countdown app on my phone. 

I purposely did not do much ranting and raving about Dumb Stupid Time this year, as an experiment. Do I feel crappy because I talk myself into it? Or do I feel crappy because I don't handle the stupid time change well. 

Let's see...today is Tuesday. The Dumb Stupid Time change was Sunday. I could hardly stay awake Sunday morning at church, and felt tired and dizzy all day. My dishes are piled up. So is the laundry. I spent all of yesterday in my pj's and robe. Haven't showered in two days because I don't have the energy and don't really care. All I want to do is sleep, because then I don't feel dizzy and out of sorts. And mostly, I just want to scratch people's eyes out. Go ahead, Mitch...get within arm's reach, I dare you.

There are a lot of people out there who love Dumb Stupid Time, they don't understand how anyone could not like it. There's other people out there who think people like me just need to "suck it up and deal with it" because it's "only one hour." These are the people who have no problem adjusting to the time change, so they think everyone should be like them. Here's a news flash for you...not everyone is like you. Haven't you noticed that yet? We look differently, act differently, react differently (if you are allergic to peanuts, then does everyone have to be allergic to them? No, that is ridiculous). So why does the way the Dumb Stupid Time change affects different people have to be the same? It doesn't, that is moronic. 

Maybe you have no trouble with it. That's lovely. Goody for you. But quit saying to the rest of us who do have trouble with it to "suck it up" because it's "only one hour." Actually, it's not "only one hour", as the change to Dumb Stupid Time messes with our natural Circadian rhythms: 

"While we generally think that the time changes enforced by the DST transitions are 'only an hour,' they have far more drastic effects if viewed in the context of the circadian clock's seasonal changes," Roenneberg said. "This seemingly small hour translates to a repeat of 10 weeks in the annual progression of the relationship between our sleep-wake cycle and dawn--four weeks in spring and six weeks in autumn. In effect, it's as if the entire population of Germany, for example, is transported to Morocco in spring and back again in autumn."

Indeed, "after taking the seasonal adjustment into account, our results show that the human circadian clock does not adjust to the DST transition," Roenneberg said. "This is especially obvious in the late chronotypes in spring when one looks at their daily activity patterns. Essentially, their biological timing stays on standard, winter time, while they have to adjust their social schedules to the advanced clock time throughout the summer."

And

In a second study, they analyzed the timing of sleep and activity for eight weeks around each of the two DST transitions in 50 people, taking into account each individual's natural clock preferences, or "chronotypes," ranging from morning larks to night owls. They found that the timing of both sleep and peak activity levels readily adjust to the release from DST in autumn, but that the timing of activity does not adjust to the start of DST in spring, especially in those who like to stay up late and sleep in. (emphasis mine)

Daylight Savings Time Disrupts Humans' Natural Circadian Rhythym, Science Daily

I am definitely a night owl, and I can absolutely attest to the fact that Dumb Stupid Time jacks me up. And not just for a few days or a week while I "adjust." It takes months, if at all. I get to where I can at least function somewhat, but the fatigue and odd feeling of living in a parallel universe never completely goes away. I don't enjoy spring or summer at all so that "extra" hour of daylight means nothing to me, other than it ruins 75% of my year. Every year. 

Thanks again, Mitch. I'm still mad at you and so glad you're not our dictator governor anymore. Go rot in all that extra daylight.

Another New Year, What's New?

It's hard to believe yet another year has flown by! My baby will be FIVE next month, my firstborn will be THIRTEEN...my head is spinning. There's been many changes in the last year or so, mostly in the spiritual and emotional areas for me. Good ones, thankfully! 

As God continues to bring healing and restoration in my "inner man", my housekeeping improves. I realized this week that it actually bothers me to have dirty dishes piled up. Oh, it "bothered" me before...just not enough to motivate me much to do something about it until I absolutely had to. This is definitely a new, and welcomed, development.

God has been opening my eyes about some things, which I plan to blog about in the coming months. It's amazing what happens when you let go of what you have always believed to be true...what you've always been taught or assumed is true...and allow Yahweh to reveal the truth that He established in the beginning.

We have some big milestones approaching...a high school graduation, a grandbaby on the way, another one leaving the nest, a new teenager in the family. I'm looking forward to what this year has to offer...and I'm sure when I look back this time next year, it unfolded differently than I thought it would. Life has a funny way of operating like that.

Once again, we've made changes in the area of food and nutrition...some rather begrudgingly in the beginning, but are turning out to be good changes. I've got another new "tool" in my kitchen...check out my post at my nutrition blog, Purposeful Nourishment, on Perpetual Broth.

I continue to try and purge the clutter in the house. It now seems to be mostly contained to closets, porches (ugh...that front porch I spent so much time cleaning is in need of another purging but it's not as bad as the last time!!), unused rooms and some corners. I cleaned out the desk today, and while there is still too much in the drawers and files, I threw out a trash bag full of papers and junk that I'd been holding on to..."just in case." Every time I go through the desk, I am able to let go of a little more. I know what would really kick me in gear is to get a different desk. Then I would HAVE to get rid of stuff!

I have a load of stuff to take to Goodwill, but since I haven't been there in quite some time, I haven't taken it with me when I leave town. I should just take it down to the drop off box here in town. I'll have to add that as a weekly task to my S.H.E. system...which I've been using again with success. The dishes are done and the house in order when I go to bed unless there's just been some kind of crazy going on here. And since that just neeeevvveeerrr happens....well, it has happened a bit less it seems, since I've been more on top of my game around here lately. 

New Year's Resolutions have never been my thing, and this year is no different. I just have an overall goal, every year, to become and do better than what I was and did last year. Not so overwhelming when I think of it like that!

I hope you have had a positive start to 2013, and whatever comes your way you will be strong and equipped to handle it. Here's to a great year!!

It’s Over,Facebook. For Real This Time

About three years ago, I entered into a relationship with Facebook. It was fun at first. Became an obsession for a while. Then, things began to change. Subtle at first. Things you get used to after a while, and forget why you were so irritated to begin with by the change. But this time, Facebook crossed the line.

I knew it was coming. The signs were everywhere. Other people were talking about it. It’s not like I had no warning at all. But, when I still hadn’t been Timelined, I thought maybe they had forgotten about me. Or, maybe they were afraid of me…as I am not afraid to complain about things I don’t like. Just ask anyone who knows me about my feelings on Mitch Daniels and Daylight Savings Time Dumb Stupid Time. It’s been like six years since that stupid practice was forced down my throat and I still hate it. Loathe it. Detest it. But, that is a rant reserved for for two times a year. The second time is coming in approximately 65 days. Yes, I count the days until we cast off the insanity and resume to normal time keeping. Which is in 69 days, but I usually post something about it a few days ahead.

I digress. Stupidity makes me do that.

There are some people who actually like the new Timeline format. Others don’t care one way or the other. And many, many who hate it. Those who like it accuse those who hate it of just being resistant to change and we should just suck it up and get over it already. These are probably the same people who say we need to be tolerant of other people’s views. Hmpf. Just another example of the bigotry of the Tolerance religion – we must respect other people’s views and beliefs…except when they differ from Ours.

I have good reasons for leaving Facebook – for real, for good – this time. I’ve been trying to break free from the FB habit for some time, but I must admit it has a pull, a certain addictive quality, that makes it difficult to break away. Much like leaving a cult…or a gang. Or trying to kick a $3000 a day cocaine habit. There’s just something about it that makes us feel good.

Is it because we are all incredibly nosey curious? Is it because we are somehow able to feel a sense of connectedness, of community, of family, better over a cold and impersonal internet connection than we can with the people around us who are warm, breathing, bodies of flesh?

Some say that “It's been suggested that people who love Timeline are narcissistic, because Timeline makes it a pleasure to design and curate a digital timeline of your life.” I would also suggest that Facebook in general appeals to the narcissist in all of us. Finally, we have a free forum in which to espouse our many views on life and religion and politics, mostly free from reprisal. We are instantly “published” without the thoughtful work that goes writing a book, or even a quality blog post – spur-of-the-moment status updates can be the equivalent of diarrhea of the mouth. And, if we don’t like what someone says about our obviously superior views, we can delete their comments and unfriend them. Problem solved.

Yes, I’m just as guilty as anyone for spouting off my views on Facebook. And I believe I am right about what I believe…why would I post something I don’t believe to be true? Or morally right? And yes, I have the audacity to disagree with other beliefs and views. I have the audacity to believe they are wrong, at times. That is my view, my belief, and it is just as valid as the opposing views and beliefs, right? According to almighty Tolerance, it should be.  However, anyone with any kind of intelligence and discernment (and a Facebook page) can see that “Tolerance” is rather one-sided.

Again…I digress. Induced by the stupidity of hypocritical “tolerance.”

All of this rambling is to say that I’m just completely over the whole Facebook experience. Facebook doesn’t care about its users, it cares about turning a profit. It does that by selling information that users readily hand over. There is no such thing as privacy on the internet, regardless of “privacy policies”…if you go online, you have to give out information at some point. If you choose to do that, then you can’t whine because someone else does something with it. The world is full of unscrupulous people, greedy people, people with cold hearts that only care about themselves. It’s not a world I want to be a part of, frankly.

Facebook takes up too much time. I’ve had several occasions where I quit logging in (but didn’t deactivate my account) because the dishes weren’t getting done and people were running out of clean underwear. That just really isn’t good. I’m a SAHM, my job is to take care of my family and home. Anything that interferes with that just really has to go.

Sometimes, it takes something drastic to get us to change our bad habits and selfish ways. When Facebook decided that every user would be forcibly switched to the new Timeline, I decided that was it. I will not change voluntarily, and when they do switch me, I’m pulling the plug on my FB account. Surprisingly, it took the better part of a year for them to get around to changing my profile. As providence would have it, it was at the beginning of the month of Elul on the Hebrew calendar. A month dedicated to reflection, repentance, prayer and study. And there is just no room in all of that for the distraction of Facebook.

I will, of course, miss some things. Or, people, rather…as a Marine parent, the support of a Marine Moms group on FB has been amazing, and I’ve met some terrific ladies there. I have family around the country, as well as friends, that I rarely see, but can easily connect with on FB. Why is that not enough to keep me on there? Because real relationships require cultivation and maintenance. They require work. It is much more meaningful to get a real, honest to goodness letter from someone instead of a quick post on their “wall” or a tag in a comment somewhere. It says you care enough about THEM to take time out of your day to make an effort to let them know they are important to you. It’s not easy in this busy, electronic world we live in, true…but I think we need to reclaim some compassionate humanity and let go of cold, electronic indifference.

I can not, of course, end this without addressing another large reason for telling FB to go jump off a cliff. As someone who does not particularly like change all that much, I most definitely do not like it forced on me. My inner child stomps her feet and fumes and pouts and spouts off about it. You can’t make me like or accept something by forcing it on me. And to think that everyone on FB is going to blindly accept whatever you throw at them is just ridiculous. At least for now…the sheeple are coming along, of course. But this woman is no sheeple and I will not be “coming along”.

Not having the ball and chain of Facebook around my ankle has been nice. I’m kind of in a deprogramming mode – I want to log in, to see if anyone misses me, to see what I missed…and yet, I don’t. I thought I’d log in after a week to retrieve some information, like a message I recently received that I want to keep, some email addresses of people I really want to stay in contact with, and tie up some loose ends in a group I created. But, I’m liking not being on Facebook so much, I just might not!

So, for those who think I’m just being silly and resistant to change…well, think what you want. Facebook is not mandatory (yet…have you seen this about a German article? Apparently, people who DON’T have a FB or other social networking account might be “suspicious”. I just might be on a List somewhere now since I don’t have a Facebook…) so I don’t have to have a FB account if I don’t want to. And I have no interest trading my personal information to use a site that forces me into a box of conformity. I would think that for the valuable trade-off of personal information to feed to their  advertisers, Facebook could at least throw its users a bone and allow for some personalization. Give them a choice in the matter, so they don’t feel so…violated. Make them feel like you care and they might not complain so much.

Bottom line is…I have a real life. Sorry, Facebook…it’s you, and you have to go. And don’t ever call me again, I mean it.

The S.O.S. Challenge

S.O.S. can mean several different things...Save Our Schools, HELP!!!, Switched On Schoolhouse. Anything with an S-O-S configuration, really. Right now, for me, it is an acronym for Sick Of Stuff. It's time to get serious about Stuff around here.

As I've gotten older, wiser, and more free of debilitating emotional issues, I have found that I'm somehow a better housekeeper. Do not read I'm A Perfect Housekeeper and My Home Should Be Featured In BHG there, please! I just mean that my home does not look like my bedroom did as a child...most of the time. If the kids have been running amok, well, it might look kind of like that. But, in general, you can see the floor and dont' have to walk on Stuff or shovel a path through Stuff to get around. The OTHER horizontal surfaces around here, however, typically have lots of Stuff on them. And I hate it.

For instance, my kitchen counter is a long L-shape wth a stove at one end. There is a particular corner that I have dubbed The Black Hole. Not sure why, actually - black hole implies that things go in and are never seen again. I guess it's more of the Event Horizon thing...if it gets close to that particular area, it ends up on The Pile. I do usually see it again, when I get sick of the Overflowingness and decided to "declutter" the Black Hole. 

I have wanted Simplify for a long time, but I'm not sure what has held me back...and still does.  When I'm away from our home, say at church for example, I get this overwhelming desire to go home and start Chucking Stuff. I feel up to it, I feel Inspired and Motivated. And, I get home and find that I just can't do it. Even though I haven't touched the papers in a certain file in my file cabinet for at least two years, I can't bring myself to throw them away. It's pathetic. 

Yet I long to be Free Of Stuff. I hate the choking, claustrophobic feel of all these things. Things that gather dust. Things that stare at me and remind me how disorganized I am. Things I am in bondage to, because I can not throw them out or give them away. Things that aren't worth much of anything, really. Sometimes, I think about things like What if there was a Natural Disaster and We Lost Everything. Would I survive? Of course I would. I don't really NEED most of this stuff! 

And so, I have decided to challenge myself to fill up a box or bag every day of Stuff to remove from my home. Whether it goes to the trash can, consignment shop or thrift store doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter what size of box or bag, as long as something goes out of the house every day.  It's just got to go. I'm calling it the SOS Challenge. I'm going to start this September 1, 2012...feel free to join me and share what your're doing! 

I love freecycle, but I can't wait around for people who may or may not show up to collect whatever I'm freecycling....I know myself too well. That may work for you, but it won't for me. There's a Goodwill drop box a few blocks from me, and if I have a small bag, I can also get some exercise and ride my bike down to drop it off. I also go to an area that has a Goodwill store (and I get coupons when I drop off my donations...wait, that would probably work against me!). And if nothing else, I can set it out by the road with a "FREE" sign and it will probably be gone in no time. 

Any challenge needs an outline, rules, goals....I'm going to think on those things and post what I come up with in a few days. For now, I have to work on psyching myself up for this challenge. To get rid of whatever it is that hinders me so I can get rid of all this Stuff that does not make me happy or serve a useful purpose in my life. 

No Longer a Rebel Without a Cause

I'll do what I want, thank you very much

I’ve been a rebel as long as I can remember. In my younger days, rebelling against the status quo, against being “good”, against any kind of authority. And, in particular, against anything having to do with God. Sin was something to be proud of, not avoid. And I didn’t avoid much sin, truth be told. I realized today that God still uses rebellion to bring Him glory and to accomplish His purposes and plans on this earth, if you can believe that.

Eleven years ago, God used my tiny baby daughter to turn me back to Him. It wasn’t a Damascus Road conversion, more like turning a small ocean liner around really. It’s taken a while. But, it started with the realization that God loves me, no matter what.

And yet, I’m still a rebel.

If Main Stream Society does it, I probably don’t.  I do things like  drink raw milk and question the FDA and the Food Pyramid. I’m against vaccination. I homeschool. I believe many conspiracy theories are true, or at least contain more truth than fiction. And I don’t believe for a minute that the government really has my best interest at heart…or anyone’s for that matter. Well, aside from greedy, power-mad politicians anyway. I know there’s a few people in government who are truly good, patriotic people and are fighting against a corrupt system. But for the most part, there’s no difference between Republican and Democrat. There really is only a one-party system in America – the Politician Party.

I used to rebel just for the sake of rebelling. I lived for Sticking It To The Man. But, that really isn’t much of a cause. It’s selfish and immature. It’s based on emotional reactions. So, when I realized recently that I am still very much a rebel at heart, that concerned me. God doesn’t want us to rebel…he kicked Lucifer out of Heaven for rebelling, and a whole slew of angels for joining in with him.

In the last year or so, I have been walking through a sort of “crisis of faith”. I don’t doubt the basic principles of my faith – I still believe that The One God created the universe in six days, the Bible is His Word, and He sent His Son to die for my sin. One day I realized that I felt that God was asking me to put everything I’ve ever believed on the altar, so to speak. Or the chopping block, if that analogy works better for you. That was a scary thought, but I eventually realized that all I had to lose were things that weren’t true to begin with. And all I really cared about was Truth. So, I said “Ok God…I’ll do it. Here You go. Burn away all that is not Your Truth” and then waited for some awesome revelation.

And…I got >>crickets<<

That was disappointing, to say the least. But, God works in His own way, and on His own timetable. I kind of shelved the whole thing, and honestly, didn’t think much about anything spiritual. It was kind of nice, if I must say, to just not think about spiritual things for a while. I’ve had so many questions…so many things that just didn’t seem to add up or connect, and I could not reconcile them without concluding that the Christian faith was wrong, or at the very least, just another possibility to explain the world and life. Maybe all roads did lead to the same place.

Yet, I knew in my spirit that the basic tenets of my belief system were right. So, why were there so many things that seem to be contradictory? Why did the pieces not fit together nicely? Somehow, I came to see that my understanding of Scripture was very fragmented, disjointed, piecemeal. And trying to connect it all together was like trying to do a dot-to-dot puzzle where the dots were labeled 1 and 4, a and z, carrot and zucchini. Some of the dots could be connected because there were related to each other…numbers to numbers, vegetables to vegetables, but you couldn’t connect them all together to form a cohesive picture. Something was missing.

Whatever sparked that realization of my understanding of Scripture renewed my interest in the Quest for Truth. I realized that I could not possibly hope to understand the New Testament if I did not first understand the Old. And so, I started in the beginning. Genesis 1:1. But, I only got through four chapters before I was taken on a side trip. And it was there that I received the Awesome Revelation I’d been waiting for. I was on Damascus Road and didn’t even realize it.

I will go into it more in future posts…this one is getting long enough as it is. But, it suffices to say that as I journeyed down this side path, I could feel the veil being lifted from my eyes. Understanding began to explode – not only in my mind but in my spirit as well. I finally “got it.” I could see The Big Picture…because I understood what had been missing from my understanding of Scripture. It doesn’t change what I fundamentally believe…in fact, I have experienced a love for God in the last few weeks that is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I used to question whether I even truly loved God…but now, there is no doubt in my mind…or heart…or spirit…that I do. And I know He loves me back.

But, I’m still a rebel. 

I’ve purposed in my heart to walk down a path that is narrow. And not crowded in the least…in fact, it can be lonely at times. But when one does find fellowship with others on this path, it can be truly sweet and precious. And this time, I believe God is happy with my rebellion...because I’m not rebelling against Him.

Facing the Book

If there was a 12-Step Program for Facebook addiction, I probably might have found myself in a meeting some night.

Hello, my name is Dawn. I’m a Facebookie. I’ve been on FB now for two years. At first, it was great…it was new, exciting, lots of fun…but then after a while, it started to take over my life…

I would look out at the rows of cold, flesh-colored folding chairs filled with others who struggle with this addiction and be met with knowing glances, slight nods, maybe even that far-off look one gets when reminiscing on something Back In The Day.

…I started finding myself on FB in the strangest of places, like the shower (I just had to reply to something RIGHT THEN, it couldn’t wait)…

Smiles, giggles, murmured sharing of their own Strange Places. A silent understanding of the urgency a FB post can have that can strike anywhere, anytime.

…It got to be that I couldn’t go anywhere without knowing I’d have the connection I needed to get my FB fix. My cell phone became permanently attached to me. And once I got that netbook…well, that was what pushed me over the edge really…

Dark clouds drift over the eyes watching me. They remember their own Edge. They remember what pushed them over. They despise me for reminding them.

 …One day, I had a fleeting moment of lucidity. I realized that the reason every dish, glass, fork and pan in the house was dirty, the reason everyone was out of clean underwear, the reason every day got so far away from me was because of it. Because of Facebook.

A few tears now, as they go from despising me to empathizing with me. They have been there too. That’s why they were here this night in the church basement on those cold, hard flesh-colored folding chairs, surrounded by cement block walls doused in ecru…as if a fancy name for “whitish” would actually take away the institutional feel of those walls.

I decided to quit.

Applause. A few “yeah!'”-s. For a brief moment, I was someone they could admire. I had made that tough decision to quit.

Cold turkey.

Gasps. Heart-clutching. One poor lady began to shake uncontrollably. I had moved beyond Nobility and into the Land of Absurdity. What? Who does that? Who just quits FB cold turkey?

I’ll tell you who does that. Someone who realizes that time is an irreplaceable commodity that must be managed well if anything meaningful is to come out of its use. Someone who realizes that clean dishes and underwear, while part of the mundane, are vital to good health and comfort. They are part of the background on this set in which we play at life. Someone’s gotta do it…and unless you can pay someone to do it for you, YOU need to do it or delegate it properly.

Ok, so maybe I didn’t actually attend a Facebookies Anonymous meeting in a cold, cement block walled church basement with flickering fluorescent lights…but the thing about the dishes was true. And there was one day that my three year old didn’t have any unders, because mama was too busy on FB to do the laundry.

And so, as of January 1, 2012, I cut myself off of FB. And in this last month, my kitchen has been clean most of the time (debilitating FB addiction aside, housework and organization and time management have never come easy to me…), the laundry is caught up, and I am able to enter my Father’s rest on the Sabbath. It’s a wonderful thing.

But so is FB and the internet. They can both have a useful purpose. Morphine, after all, is very useful in treating excruciating pain. But with anything that has the potential to become a life-controlling addiction, the key is to use them responsibly. And so, as I return to the land of FB today, I do so with some rules:

1. I will not start my day off on Facebook
2. If the dishes are dirty, NO FACEBOOK
3. If anyone is out of any kind of clothing, NO FACEBOOK
4. If my husband needs my attention or assistance, NO FACEBOOK
5. If my children need my attention or assistance, NO FACEBOOK
6. And, most importantly, if I haven’t spent quality time with my God today, NO FACEBOOK

Now, if everything is in order…my worship and work are done…then I will allow myself a reasonable amount of time on Facebook. I suspect I will have to use a timer…because time really has  a way of getting away from me. There is no Daytimer that can help me, trust me…

And if I find myself breaking the rules and my family comes to me hungry and naked as I sit at my computer completely absorbed in Facebook…I will have to cut myself off again, only the next time it probably ought to be permanently. Serving my Creator, my family and life in all it’s unpredictable bliss are far more important.

Really. I’m very sure of that. I think…be sure to watch my FB wall in case I change my mind (; And, if you see me on Facebook, don't be afraid to ask me if the dishes are done or if my family is running around naked.

Coffee With the Enemy

We all have people in our lives who rub us the wrong way. Some have even gone as far as to plunge a long, sharp knife deep into our back. So what do you do when God says “be a blessing to your enemy”? You have a choice to obey – or not – just like with anything else. But when God is asking you to step out and be vulnerable, He is not doing it to harm you. There is a greater purpose involved. We may never know what it is, but then that’s why HE is God and we are not. Fortunately, God created coffee on the third day and called it good. I completely agree. As for sharing with my enemy…well, I’m not real crazy about that but I’m doing it anyway.

I’m actually sitting in a local coffee shop right now. Waiting to meet with someone I honestly wish just did not exist. I’m going to buy this person coffee or tea or whatever. And I’m going to use a gift card that I won just yesterday. Because God said to do it. The worst part is that God also said “just listen.” I don’t want to “just listen!” I have an earful to give this person, if only I could. I imagine I will be nearly biting my tongue off by the end of it, but I’m going to do what God said to do. And I’m going to trust that He knows best. He knows what the purpose of this is. And He knows what the outcome will be. He even knows whether or not I will actually keep my mouth shut, something else I do not have knowledge of. My heart is <mostly> willing, but my flesh is about as weak as they come.

My guest is four minutes late. I came half an hour early, to kind of get my bearings and quiet my spirit as much as possible. Every time the door opens I cringe inside.  I don’t want to do this. But now my guest has arrived…

---

Well, that was just weird. And awkward. And I don’t really know what to make of it. A lot of uncomfortable silence. A lot of talk about this that and the other thing. I made small talk. I agreed with some things that were said. But for the most part, I kept my tongue in check. Not like I was planning on going on some kind of rant and rave…although I could have reached down deep inside and pulled that knife out…and used it.  

But…God said “just listen.” There was even an offer for me to get whatever I had to say off my heart, but I said “No, God said listen and that’s what I’m doing.”

I can’t tell you what a miracle that was. That I was obedient. That I was immediately obedient. And that I kept my tongue under control…well, that is definitely an amazing feat of biblical proportions, believe me!

What will come of it? I don’t know. I didn’t notify my guest that I planned on buying and they bought a drink before sitting down. So, I explained about the gift card and slid it over. I blessed my enemy today. Only good can come of that, right? I’m trying not to think about the times before when treachery followed blessing. I’m trying to trust that God will use this situation for the good of all involved.

I am afraid the other party thinks we will do more of this in the future. It’s not something I’m necessarily wanting to do. But if God says “Do It” then I will. I don’t have the privilege of seeing the Big Picture, so I don’t know how this odd-shaped piece fits into the puzzle. Guess that’s why He’s God and I am…simply not.

The K12FREEHOMESCHOOL & Mimi Rothschild Experience

Some time ago, I wrote a series of posts on my experience with K12FREEHOMESCHOOL and Mimi Rothschild. I did this for two reasons…one, to truthfully share my experience – there are some unflattering accounts out there on the web and I felt that I should share my own experience in the hopes that those considering joining the academies that are run by Mrs. Rothschild can use it to make an informed decision. But, there was also another reason…to use this experience to (hopefully) attract more readers to my blog. I didn’t stop to consider the ramifications of how I presented the information.

Since I can be long-winded and detailed, I broke the story up into three parts. I reasoned that since it was such a long story, people would be more likely to read three shorter posts instead of one big, long one. It also gave me a chance to practice writing in a way that would entice readers to come back and find out what happened.

But…would they? What if they just read the first one or two posts, the ones that outline the not-so-flattering parts of my experience and didn’t read the last post which show how the whole thing turned out? Is that helpful or hurtful to those involved? I certainly don’t want to hurt Mrs. Rothschild or her business, so I have made the decision to consolidate all three posts into one. I’ll summarize my experience before going into all the details…so, you can read it all or not…but please, at least read the summary. I want you to get the whole picture, not just bits and pieces. I have cut and pasted the original blog posts and have changed nothing. The links to the other “parts” will lead you to the original page, but that has been changed to lead you back here. I don’t want anyone just picking the bad parts to link to.

And so…if you’re interested in all the details, pull up a chair grab a cup of coffee and stay a while. If not, I hope that you’ll at least read the summary with careful consideration.

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In January of 2011, I looked for an online program to use in our homeschool. I was dealing with some health issues that made keeping up with everything difficult and was hoping to find something affordable to relieve some of the pressure on me.

I came across K12FREEHOMESCHOOL and loved that there were basic classes that were tuition-free…with our tight budget, that was perfect! I enrolled my daughter in 5 classes and waited for the discs to arrive. But while I was waiting, I looked around on the parent’s forums and it seemed like it wasn’t well maintained and a few parents were complaining about some things, like not receiving materials. I started looking around on the internet and came across some accounts of experiences with K12FREEHOMESCHOOL and Mimi Rothschild that made me begin to fear that I had, perhaps, fallen for a scam.

The disks arrived as promised, we started the classes without any problems. My daughter enjoyed the classes and I even began to see some improvement in the areas she was struggling in and was very happy about that.

After a couple weeks, it was the end of the month and when the new month started, I discovered we couldn’t log in until a mandatory donation was paid. I was irritated that there was only option for the donation amount – $24.95 – and logged into the live chat again for help. I was told that the amount was fixed and couldn’t be changed and that was made clear on the website. I argued that when I enrolled, it said it was a  “free-will offering”! A “mandatory donation” is not a free-will offering, it’s a fee! I was told that there was nothing that could be done about it, that’s just how it is and once the full amount is paid, then we can log in and use the academy again.

Now, I really felt like I had been scammed. This was not what was portrayed on the website when I enrolled my daughter. As a safety precaution, I cancelled my debit card. I wrote a strongly-worded letter to Mrs. Rothschild about how disappointed I was that an academy that portrays itself as “Christian” would conduct its business in such an un-Christlike manner and that I was sending the disks back.

After a few days, I got a phone call from Mrs. Rothschild herself. She apologized for the experience I had and explained that she had been going through some personal difficulties that made it hard to keep up with the academy. She explained that her son had unexpectedly died the year before and then shortly after, her husband was diagnosed with cancer and during dealing with all of that, there were some issues with her staff and the website. Several families had signed up believing it was free, only to find the same thing I did, that we couldn’t use the site without paying a “mandatory donation.”

Mimi also refunded what I had paid for the shipping cost to receive the disks and offered, if I wanted, to send them back so we can continue with the academy and that she would make sure we (as well as all the other families that had enrolled during the same time as we did) could use the Academy for free until the end of June. After praying about it, we decided to give it another try. I didn’t have to give my new debit card number and she did all that she promised to do. She even sent me a lovely devotional journal.

I have corresponded with Mimi several times since all of this happened. I really don’t feel that she is a conniving, scheming person bent on taking over homeschooling, as one website has portrayed her. She went above and beyond to correct the wrongs and apologized for everything. I don’t feel that the gift of the devotional journal was any kind of “bribe” or attempt to butter me up. I feel that it was a sincere offering of reconciliation.

Now, I know that I don’t really know Mimi aside from the scathing reviews online by someone who may have an axe to grind and her own words. I can’t say for sure that her husband does indeed have cancer, nor can I verify that her son had died (only because I don’t know his name so I can  look into it) and it’s possible that she was just saying those things to gain my sympathy. But, I really do feel that she was sincere in all her communication with me. In my spirit, I feel that she was honest with me and I lift her and her family and business up in prayer.

Although I initially had some issues with the academy, in the end I was very satisfied. My daughter enjoyed the classes, I enjoyed some relief from planning and the stress I was under at the time. I don’t regret at all my decision to enroll my daughter in the Academy. Budget constraints this coming school year will prevent us from using the Academy again, but if we had the extra money I would enroll her in a class or two. My daughter had expressed to me that she did not want to do all her classes online this time…not because of the academy, but simply because she wants to do school like we usually do…because she likes to spend time with me. That made my heart smile to hear that!

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What follows is the original series of posts consolidated into one. I simply cut and paste, I did not change anything. This is a true account of my experiences…

If you’ve been homeschooling for a while, you’ve probably heard about Mimi Rothschild and her Academies. Do a google search for her and you’ll find lots of opinions, some good, a lot not so good. How do you discern the truth from disgruntled people with an axe to grind? There is a lot of information on the internet…but as Clarence Day from The Crow’s Nest once said, “Information's pretty thin stuff unless mixed with experience.” It’s been on my heart for some time now to honestly share my own experience with K12FreeHomeSchool and Mimi Rothschild.  It is, of course, up to you to decided whether to believe what you read, whether on this blog or somewhere else on the internet, or not.

HOMESCHOOLING FITS OUR LIFE AND ALL ITS SURPRISES

We’ve homeschooled from the beginning, and it’s something I really enjoy. Oh sure, some days are better than others…and then there’s some days where I want to load up the kids and drop them off at the nearest public education institution…and then check my self into an institution on the way home. But, one of the things I love about homeschooling is how flexible it is, and how easily you can alter or change your school program when life throws a curveball at you.

My curveball, or curveballs, rather, were an unexpected and complicated pregnancy and the subsequent delivery of one Very Demanding Son, who has grown into One Very Busy Preschooler…and then Some Ongoing Health Issues that have made it difficult to homeschool. Or do housework. Or function normally some days.

K12FREEHOMESCHOOL…A DREAM COME TRUE?

So, when I came across a link to K12FreeHomeSchool and checked out the site, I was very excited! Could this be the reprieve I need to get myself together and to manage things better? My daughter seemed kind of bored with our regular routine, and frankly, I was too. She loves the computer programs and online sites we’ve used as part of her curriculum, so why not?

The other appealing factor was that it was a Christian school. It is very important to us to teach our children not only academics, but sound Biblical principles. That’s just not something they teach in public school anymore. So, to find an affordable online Christian academy seemed like a dream come true!

ENROLLMENT PROCESS AND CHECKING OUT THE SITE

I went through the enrollment process and chose four core classes: math, science, English, and social studies. These classes were listed as tuition-free, there were other classes such as health or art and music, that had a substantial tuition amount, which was beyond our budget. Whenever I had questions, I was able to get in contact with someone on the the Live Chat feature who answered my questions satisfactorily. There was a $4.95 shipping fee to send the discs we needed for each class, so the total for all four classes was $24.75. You are required to keep a debit/credit card on file, which I was a bit uncomfortable with because if there was a mistake in billing or an extra charge I was unaware of it could be problematic with our lean bottom line, but then at the same time I do understand that people can be unreliable and not pay for things and any school or business needs funds to operate.

According to the site, the academy appreciated a monthly Freewill Offering, which is totally understandable. There was an offering form you could complete, and I found it interesting that the only option seemed to be the suggested $24.95. Since I planned on contributing what our budget allowed, and at a later time, I didn’t look into that all that much.

After I paid for the shipping, I was able to log into the parent and student websites, so I logged in and started looking around. In the forum area, I was a bit unsettled that there weren’t more messages, as in answers to parent’s questions about the program or problems they were having with the discs or payments. There were a few responses from academy staff, but mostly it was people looking for help and not finding it, and then complaining about it. Also, the forum posts were very sporadic, hardly any current, and some going back to 2009! It didn’t seem to me like it was administered very well.

I decided to do what I really should have done to begin with…a little investigating.

Find out what happens next in Part 2!

As I began writing about my experience, I realized that this would be an incredibly long post, so I’ve decided to make it a serial blog post. In Part 1, I chronicle why I sought out a program like K12FreeHomeSchool, my experiences with the enrollment process and checking out the site and why I decided to do a little investigating. This post, I’ll share what my investigation uncovered and continue sharing my personal experience. I hope you’re ready for the next installment!

GOOD HEAVENS, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I did a search on “K12FreeHomeSchool complaints” and that is where I first came across the name, Mimi Rothschild, along with hit after hit about K12FreeHomeSchool. It was quite disconcerting to see “DISTRAUGHT FAMILIES SEEKING TO EXPOSE FRAUD BY MIMI ROTHSCHILD AKA…” and text following stating “For years there have been complaints against Mimi Rothschild's companies. .... I 've left out many more complaints, but you get the picture.” I started to get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe I had made a mistake.

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.  ~Rita Mae Brown

I read many statements by clearly unhappy people about the way the academy was run. Complaints about not receiving materials (or even the materials themselves), not being able to get videos or discs to work, and a host of complaints about the apparent lack of customer support – emails never answered, no phone number to call or if there was a phone number, you could never get a hold of anyone, rude staff, etc. Particularly distressing for me was one lady’s account of having returned the discs as directed only to have been charged over $200 for not returning them (there is a $10 fee per disk for not returning them). We are a one income family on a very tight budget so seeing this type of thing is not encouraging at all…especially when my debit card is on file with the academy.

There is one person in particular that seems to either have a very substantial case against or has made it a personal mission to “get” Ms. Rothschild. There is even a lawsuit involved - Ms. Rothschild has sued her because she believes this person has libeled or slandered or libelously slandered her and her academies. This was starting to look like one sticky wicket.

THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING, SO TO SPEAK

Being a bit uneasy about the endeavor upon which I had just embarked, I sent an email to inquire about when I should expect our discs to arrive. After a couple days, the email was returned…I don’t remember the exact error listed, but it wasn’t the standard “undeliverable” error. Still, when the website says email is the fastest way to get a response, and two days later it’s returned unanswered, well, that doesn’t look so good either. So, I logged onto the Live Chat, got a person just about right away, and asked about the shipment of the discs. I was told I they were shipped and I should receive them within 7-10 days. Ok…nothing to do now but wait. If we didn’t receive the discs, well then, that would help me make up my mind about this academy for sure.

On the seventh day, we received the discs as promised. I was very relieved, and decided that we would give it a try and see what happens. We had no problems with the discs working or logging into and using the parent or student websites. There was a bit of a learning curve, of course, in learning how to navigate and use the site, but overall it was pretty easy. Everything was going along splendidly (aside from one day that we couldn’t log in, which after another Live Chat session I learned it was due to an ice storm in their area that knocked out their servers) until the end of the month.

On January 30, I logged in to get my daughter started on her day’s school work, only to find a message directing me to complete the required donation form before proceeding. So, I went to the donation form as directed, where once again the only option was to “donate” $24.95. There was a link to the donation form in a sentence on the right (which had mysteriously disappeared the next time I was on that page), so I clicked on it and was able to put in my own amount instead of the $24.95 and completed the process. There was a message thanking me for my contribution so I assumed it went through.

I waited a bit before trying to log on, but was not able to. So, once again, I contacted someone on the Live Chat feature. That was where I learned that it was not a Freewill Offering, as I believed. The person I chatted with this time, however, was quite rude and not helpful at all.

After stewing about it and talking to my husband, we decided to cancel our debit card, return the discs and withdraw our daughter from the academy. She was very upset about the whole thing as she really liked the coursework and activities the academy provided. I sent the discs back, along with a strongly-worded letter addressing my disappointment and dissatisfaction with the way the academy handled its business, especially in light of the fact that this was purported to be a Christian academy.

I never expected to receive a response from Ms. Rothschild. And after reading a couple accounts online of other people’s interactions, I wasn’t sure I wanted to anyway.

So, how did all this end? Find out in Part 3...

If you’ve read Part 1 and Part 2, you’re up to date on my experience with the academy and Mimi Rothschild so far. This final installment will reveal my own personal contact with her as well as what conclusion I came to after reflecting and praying on the whole matter.

CELL PHONE SURPRISE

Fridays are my errand-running days. My daughter is enrolled in a local homeschool support program where she is in classes for four hours each Friday. She loves it – she gets a little taste of what “real” school is like, more socialization opportunities, physical education and a locker. Mom gets time to run errands with Mister, although some days it’s more fun than others to have Li’l Busy Man along to “help” mommy.

The Friday after I had sent the discs back, I was in the drive-through line at the bank when my cell phone rang. The caller ID showed a Pennsylvania number that I didn’t recognize and I almost didn’t answer it. It never crossed my mind that it could be Mimi Rothschild, but that’s exactly who it was. The connection was very bad and she said she’d call back when she got to her office and could use a land line. I wondered if she really would, but when I was in an Asian grocery store picking up a 50 pound bag of khao niao, my cell phone rang again and it was Mimi. I said a quick prayer that the conversation would go well - not only that she would be pleasant to deal with, but that I would as well and that we would be able to resolve this issue in a way that honored God.

APOLOGIES AND EXPLANATIONS

She apologized profusely and expressed her disappointment about what had happened and said that she would be dealing with her staff, possibly including firing someone. Not just because of what had happened to me, but because this type of thing had been happening, apparently, for some time and there were many families affected by this.

She continued to explain about some things happening in her life that made it difficult for her to be on top of her staff and the goings-on at the academy. They were also making the switch from being a donation-based service to a monthly fee-based service and the webmaster, who had assured her that everything was copacetic, either made a mistake or lied about it because clearly leaving wording on a website that leads one to believe a free-will offering is, indeed, an offering that is freely made of one’s own volition and not mandatory for using the service is at least confusing if not misleading.

I don’t feel that going into detail about all of what has been going on in her family’s life is really the thing to do here – I told her I was going to blog about this experience, but have not asked her permission to reveal the details. I would appreciate the same discretion myself. But suffice it to say, I can certainly see how dealing with some truly tragic and devastating circumstances such as those would make it difficult to stay on top of everything going on in a person’s life. I know I would have a hard time as well.

The whole time I was listening to her explain things, there was such an internal struggle going on for me. I don’t know this lady…I’ve read some really unfavorable things about her on the internet…she could just be making all this up, how would I know? Yet, I want to believe the best about people, I want to believe what she is saying is true, and I don’t want to hold a grudge against her.

SINCERE RESTITUTION OR A BRIBE?

She offered to refund whatever I had paid, including the cost to send back the discs I had returned by certified mail. She also said that anyone who had signed up within a certain time period, during which all the confusion arose over whether it was a free-will offering or not, would be able to use the service for free until the end of August, 2011. If we wanted to re-enroll our daughter, we just needed to let her know and she’d send the discs back to us at no charge. I told her I’d have to discuss it with my husband and I’d let her know. We did decide to let our daughter continue on in the school because she really liked it, provided, of course, that Mimi followed through with what she said.

And she did. She even sent me a very nice devotional journal and when one of the discs we needed was overlooked and had to be sent to us, she included a book for my daughter as well. Some may think she’s just trying to bribe me or butter me up…but I have chosen to believe, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, that she was doing her best to right how I’d been wronged. Not only was I disappointed and felt deceived, but I was also very much inconvenienced with the whole affair. As a Christian, I believe it is right and proper to not only right whatever wrong has been committed, but to go above and beyond what is expected, just as Jesus has done for me. I don’t deserve his death, or the continued mercy and grace He lavishly pours out on me…and I am the one who did the ‘wronging’, not him!

TO BELIEVE OR NOT TO BELIEVE...

I can’t answer why others have written such horrible things about her, maybe there is truth there…maybe they just have an axe to grind…maybe they are just miserable people who are not happy unless others around them are miserable. She talked a bit about the lawsuit I had read about and said that she had offered to fly the other party out, at their expense, so they could see for themselves the office and staff but they refused. Again, it is her word over theirs…I can only go by my own experience.

While I initially had a disappointing experience, I do feel that Mimi was sincere. I truly hope that I am not wrong in deciding to believe her story…I have been praying for her and her family, and text her from time to time to let her know I am thinking about her and praying for them. I also pray that if the accusations swirling around on the internet are unfounded, that the Lord’s justice will prevail…well, regardless of the veracity of the accusations, that the Lord’s justice will prevail in this situation.

NO EPIC WOULD BE COMPLETE WITH OUT A MORAL…

The moral of this story is, of course, buyer beware and be sure to investigate anything on the internet…but also, don’t just believe everything you read in the blogosphere. I really believe, based on my own experience, that…in spite of the plethora of damning blog posts out there…Mimi Rothschild was sincere in her apology and truly wanted to make things right for me. I declare that every word I have written about this situation is true, to the best of my knowledge, and I have not written this to mislead anyone – only to provide an honest assessment of my interaction and experience with Mimi Rothschild and K12FreeHomeschool.

I encourage you also to pray about all decisions you make, especially those that affect your children and their education, whether you homeschool or not…and listen to what God tells you.

Fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice, shame on me…

SOAP Devotion: 1 Corinthians 3

What kind of materials are we using as we build on the foundations laid in people’s lives? What kind of foundation have we laid in our children’s lives? Every word, every action is like a brick, a 2 x 4, a nail…all building and shaping who our children become. I know I’m only “supposed” to use one verse, but these two need to go together, so I’m cheating a little bit…

Today’s reading is 1 Corinthians 3

Scripture:  Some will use gold, silver or precious stones in building on this foundation; while others will use wood, grass or straw. 13 But each one's work will be shown for what it is; the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire - the fire will test the quality of each one's work.  1 Corinthians 3:12-13

Observation: Everything we do or say influences and builds on another’s foundation. From the moment our children are born, we are laying a foundation and building upon it. What materials will we use? Anything made of wood, grass or straw will burn up and not last, and it will not make the structure stronger, but weaker. The same is true for me…others have built on the foundation of my life. What is wood, grass or straw…what is gold, silver and precious stones?

Application: As I read this, I thought of both what I’ve used to build in my children’s lives and what has been used to build in my own life growing up. It hasn’t all been gold, silver and precious stones. There is comfort in knowing that it will be burned up at some point…but that seems like such a waste. Can it be removed and replaced with gold, silver and precious stones that will not be burned away?

Buildings can be restored. It can take a long time and a lot of work, but it can be done. Repairing mistakes and damage before the building is finished seems like it would be much easier than after the building is done…after it has aged and weathered and settled.

Following the blueprints and directions will ensure the building is built soundly and correctly. Even when the ground shakes, the building can stand. But when the building is built haphazardly, not to code, and with substandard materials…even the smallest shaking or adverse conditions can cause the building to be damaged or be destroyed.

God’s Word and Holy Spirit are the blueprints and directions we are to follow when raising our children. The gold, silver and precious stones we are to use are all of the good things of God – love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control – that shape and build their hearts, minds, souls and character into the people that He has designed them to be.

While we can’t control what others do, and unfortunately there will be “non-union” workers who show up on the job, we do have control over what we choose to do and say and where we allow our children to be. As they get older, we have to let them go a little bit…and trust that the foundation we laid and have built upon is strong and sturdy.

God allows us to build as we wish…but we then have to accept the consequences, and pay the price, for not following the directions.  I’m so glad that he is not like some earthly bosses who will fire you for making mistakes…His grace is abundant and mercy unceasing. But I have to remember it’s not just me that is affected here…my children are, and potentially my grandchildren. I must be purposeful in my parenting, and must strive to always follow the blueprints and the directions while building upon my children’s hearts, minds and souls.

Prayer:  Father, I so wish I wasn’t just “getting” this concept now. My precious daughter, whom You used to turn me back to You, is now almost 11 years old. 11 years of not always following the blueprint for her life. 11 years of not always seeking Your direction in how to parent her. I know I have used some wood, grass and straw to build in her life…please help me find it and remove it so it can be replaced with what is truly valuable and lasting. And my son, too…even he, in his short 3 years, has had some substandard material added to his foundation. Forgive me, Lord, for not always taking seriously this job before me…for letting my own wants and desires cause me to use anything but precious metals and stones to build in their lives. Help me to restore what has not been done correctly so that they are standing upon a strong, solid, and impermeable foundation. And Lord...help me remove in me what was laid there by others that doesn't belong and weakens this temple of yours. Replace it with what it good, pure and true and will last for eternity.

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SOAP Devotion: Romans 3

Ever have one of those mornings (or whenever you have your quiet devotional time) where you just can’t seem to focus on what you’re reading? As I asked the Lord what to read today, one verse kept running through my head…I couldn’t remember where it was exactly, but knew it was in Romans. I thought Romans 8, and read that…but that wasn’t it. So I looked up the verse and it was Romans 3…I had to struggle to stay focused this morning…perhaps it’s the Pharisee in me that didn’t want to hear truth today…

Today's reading is Romans 3

Scripture:  For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Observation: There is no one above sin, not me or anyone else. I should not hold another to a higher standard than I hold for myself.

Application: It’s so easy to judge others. I know the Bible says, and unbelievers are quite quick to point out, “judge not, lest ye be judged”, but still, it’s human nature to point out the flaws in others while ignoring the same, and sometimes even worse, flaws in ourselves.  It is completely wrong to expect someone to live up to standards that we ourselves can’t…or won’t…live up to…and yet, we still do just that.

I try to keep in mind that God is working on everyone, not just me. Everyone in the world is in varying stages of the process of perfection…from completely raw material (the unbeliever) to an almost polished gem (a precious saint moments away from finally seeing glory).  What's harder to do, however, is to remember that I often struggle with the same sins and flaws as the person who’s character I am critiquing.

ALL have sinned…even me…and fall short of the glory of God…even me. If I can remember that, will it be easier to find grace for those in my life who are difficult to deal with? I struggle with that fine line between grace and enabling. It’s not always so clear. That is where I just simply must be able to hear the Father’s voice, directing me in what to say and do in order to best help a person.  Being too harsh isn’t any more helpful than being too lenient…there just has to be balance. God has to be in the equation to balance things out.

Prayer: Father, thank You for Your grace and mercy…even though I sin and sin again. Help me to be able to show the same tender love, grace and mercy to others. Help me to not condemn another for a sin I also commit…help me to have compassion, to hear Your voice directing my words and actions. Help me to remember to allow You into the equation in order to find balance…for You cancel out the negatives in me and add the positives that are lacking. Thank You for what You have already done in my heart and mind toward those who have, in the past, been hurtful. Thank You for helping me see that You are diligently working in their lives too.

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SOAP Devotion: Proverbs 12

Do you ever get angry? I mean really, explosively angry? It is such an out-of-control feeling! And far too often, others get hurt because we are out of control. 


This morning, I went back to bed after seeing my honey off to work...the little girl I babysit wasn't coming until 9:00, it was rainy and dreary and just perfect for sleeping in. I should have stayed up and had my devotion time...that helps so much when it comes to controlling anger...to be plugged in and connected with God's grace for the day. And when that sippy cup fell onto my toe - good grief, who knew a half-empty sippy cup could feel like a boulder when it hits your toe - I had a hard time not exploding.  Only a few weeks ago, I probably would have...but feeling better makes it easier to keep those emotions in check. Still, I knew I needed to get connected with God before the rest of the day happened...and happened badly.

Proverbs 12 is full of great advice. Diligence and laziness, righteousness and wickedness, the wise and the foolish. I can’t say I’m surprised at what God brought to my attention this morning…and since I am wise, I will love correction and follow this excellent advice regarding anger…

Today’s Reading is Proverbs 12.

Scripture:  A fool's anger is known at once, but a cautious person slighted conceals his feelings. Proverbs 12:16

Observation: There are a good many angry fools in society today. Restraining one’s emotions requires maturity and wisdom, and a cautious person is one who can keep their emotions in check, even when slighted.

Application:  I’ve had issues with anger for many years. Thankfully, God has worked on that wrinkle in my character faithfully and steadily.  As I have matured, it has become easier to not get carried away by my emotions and blow up like a volcano whenever something makes me angry or when I feel that my “rights” have been violated. Isn’t that what we feel when we’re slighted by someone?

A fool immediately reacts to a situation, and lets himself get carried away by his feelings. Things get said that hurt others. Things sometimes get broken. And many times, others can get physically hurt.  They are only thinking of themselves and their own feelings, not at all of the other person...except maybe of hurting them in retaliation. It is selfish an immature. Ouch, God...that one really hurts.

A wise person is cautious…he considers possible responses to a situation before opening his mouth. He knows the power of words to hurt or to heal, and chooses to not use hurtful words.  He is cautious, because he knows that how he responds to the situation can either defuse it or ignite it further.

I have to admit that I’m not always wise. Some of that has been because of health issues…and while I’m not trying to use that as an excuse, it is difficult sometimes when you feel terrible or your hormones are all wacked out, to retain a grip on wisdom and prudence.  I look back at some of the things that have made me explode, and really…how ridiculous I was to allow such a little thing have so much control over ME. I am in charge of myself, not some fickle and childish emotion.

And when I see the influence my anger has had on my children, I just want to cry. I know God has forgiven me every time I blow it and repent…but I have a hard time forgiving myself. Especially when little arms have hugged my neck and precious voices say “I ‘give you, Mommy.” They shouldn’t have to say that…but I am glad that God uses even my sin to bring about Christlikeness in my children. They forgive so easily, without even a second thought…they have such sweet and tender hearts.

I long to be that quiet, peaceful, and humble-spirited wife and mother…but it just doesn’t seem to be in me some days. Ok, most days, to be honest.  I know that God created me to be that way, He just has a lot of hard rock to chisel away before it can be revealed, I guess.

Prayer: Father, forgive me again for allowing my emotions to rule my behavior. Help me to be wise and cautious…to always RESPOND instead of REACT to every situation. Help me to be a peacemaker in my home, and to model a quiet spirit.  Show me the root of my anger, and rip it out completely…I don’t want it in me! Help me, today, Lord, to be peaceful and gentle.

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SOAP Devotion: Psalm 52

Gossip? Really? That is what You want to talk to me about this morning? Surely I’m getting a mixed- up signal here…that can’t be what You want to speak to me about…can it?

So, this time it really was Psalm 52 I was supposed to read. I tried to find a way around it…as I didn’t like this one either. Conviction has a way of making you feel uncomfortable when facing truths about yourself you’d rather not acknowledge. But I am thankful for God’s great mercy that is new this morning, and every morning.

Today’s Reading is Psalm 52

Scripture: Your tongue, as sharp as a razor, plots destruction and works deception. Psalm 52:2

Observation: The tongue, when left to run amok, cuts and destroys…deception is its favored medium.

Application: As I read this passage, my first thought was toward a certain person in my life that has been a thorn in my side for years.  This person has used their razor-sharp tongue to plot destruction and work in deception against me many times. Then I immediately am reminded that when we hear a message and think of someone else first “who really needs to hear it”, we should also examine our own hearts to see if we need to hear it as well.  Have I done the same toward that person? Then I asked the Lord what in the world was He trying to tell me…and I hear that G-word whispered gently into my mind. Gossip. Have I been involved in gossip?

So, what is gossip? If you’re going to avoid something, you need to know what it is. I’m sure just about anyone would recognize that someone coming to you and saying “Did you hear about So-And-So? She…”, especially when that someone didn’t like So-And-So, was bringing some juicy gossip to them. Galilean Pastors has a nice study on gossip here.  Studying Joseph, who rejected the advances of Potiphar’s wife, we can learn a lot about the destructive force of the tongue:

Mrs. Potiphar devised a malicious lie fueled by anger, jealousy, bitterness, and resentment because of rejection.  She didn’t get what she wanted so she made up a lie, spreading it throughout her household servants (gossip) so her lie could be confirmed, even though none were there when it happened, they only had gossip to rely on.  Because of this chain of events Mrs. Potiphar set out to use the most powerful and damaging weapon of all--the tongue--to destroy Joseph's unblemished reputation and character, especially to Potiphar.  As expected, Potiphar became outraged, so much so that he had Joseph, his personal and trusted attendant, thrown in prison.

Joseph’s spotless reputation and character was stolen by gossip (the gossip of Mrs. Potiphar and her servants).  Now, not only were they (Mrs. Potiphar and the other servants) gossips but they were thieves as well.  Joseph had some decisions to make, was he going to be faithful and obedient to God or was he going to become angry and vindictive doing the very thing that had been done to him.  Joseph chose obedience in honoring God and, because of that, God’s favor went with Joseph and stayed upon him; even in prison, gaining the favor of the prison warden. (Gen 39:21-23)

When we gossip, or even participate in gossip, we are actively and voluntarily engaging in a destructive purpose, character assassination and theft.  Basically, gossip is a destructive need for personal gratification, making one’s self feel good about one’s self by destroying the character and reputation of another.

You see “misery loves company.”  Some people cannot stand the thought of someone else succeeding, whether spiritually, physically, or financially; so they search for reasons to accuse and discredit the person, ministry, business, etc. to make themselves feel better about who they are.

But can gossip be even just plainly discussing facts about someone else? Facts that are unfavorable, yet still the gospel truth? And not brought up out of a malicious heart and spirit?

Gossip can also be defined as “…often half-truths and even truth that does not need to be said.”

Truth that does not need to be said. That is the one that trips me up. I can easily recognize and restrain myself from telling half-truths and outright lies, but many times see no problem with telling something that is the truth. And, let's face it...some people are just a well-spring of unfavorable truth,  thanks to their own choices, but that doesn't mean we need to spread that information around.  It’s been often said “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” and I think that is an apt description of gossip as well. Does what you are telling someone else, even if true, help the other person? Most likely not, if we’re going to be brutally honest about it.

I can honestly say that Psalm 52:2 does not describe me…at least not anymore. I admit to operating in that manner years ago, when I was much younger and immature, both chronologically and spiritually. But I can’t say I never gossip, unfortunately.  The majority of the time it is completely unintentional, it just happens…you don’t even realize what you’re doing until you’re in too deep. But there are occasions where the intent of my heart is not honorable when I talk about someone. Well, to be honest, it’s always that thorn in my side…never my friends…so friends, take heart and know that I’m not gossiping about you!

Even as I write this, I’m thinking I should change the wording in a few areas, so as not to be obvious about whom I am referring to. If you know me, and my life, at all…well, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. But this illustration is not meant at all in that manner…it is a practical illustration of something many people struggle with. We all have people in our lives that are difficult to deal with, it’s how we handle those situations, and the temptation to gossip about them, that either glorifies Christ and brings blessing to those who persecute us or fuels the destructive, raging fire of the tongue…which is truly an unruly evil that can not be tamed. It can only be brought under submission to Christ, and that takes a very concerted and determined effort.

Prayer: Father, forgive me for participating in gossip against those who hurt and persecute me. Help me to recognize gossip for what it is immediately…and give me the grace I need to say “I’m not going to gossip about this person” instead of revealing what I know, even if it is true. Help me to bless those who persecute and spitefully use me and only speak words of life and blessing about everyone. Thank You for forgiving me…thank You that Your mercy is new every morning.

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