S.O.S. Challenge Update

It’s finally September! I so long for the shorter days, the crispness in the air and the lovely scent of autumn on the wind. The urge to bake is revving up again, and I dream of breads and anything pumpkiny emerging from my oven once more. Sigh…

It’s also the beginning of my Sick Of Stuff decluttering challenge that I’ve recently imposed upon myself. Are you curious about how I’m doing? Let me tell you!

Even though I said I would officially start this September 1st, I found myself loading up bags and boxes of Stuff in the last couple weeks of August and taking them to Goodwill. One drawback of dropping stuff off at the store I usually go to is that they give you coupons. They always ask, and actually, I could say no, but…well, I just don’t. I will have to work on that. The good news is that even though I did shop there a couple times, I brought back home WAY less than I took in, so I’m still ahead.

It’s a good thing I started early, though, because my dear honey hurt his back at work the other day so I’ve been busy taking care of him, plus we just had a few busy days already this month and I haven’t taken out a bag or box every day so far. It’s only the 5th, and I’m pretty sure that what I took out in August covers all of September so far. And, today I dropped off two garbage bags of Stuff – one I had loaded in the van last night but forgot to drop off while we were out, and one large, black trash bag full of toys and kid’s books and some things in my kitchen I finally decided I could let go of because actually, I hated them. I don’t know why I hung on to that infernal Pampered Chef potato masher that I couldn’t stand for so long. Every time I used it I grumbled about how much I didn’t like it. But now, it’s gone, and the things in the drawer it once resided in are all things that I use often and don’t make me mad.

I look around at all the things I KNOW I could get rid of, and still feel that “but I might need it some day” urge to hold on to them. It’s a process, I know, but I’m trying not to get overwhelmed by the bigness of it. I’m trying to focus on what can I part with right now, today? Even if it is just one thing, that is one less thing cluttering up my space and collecting dust.

Books will be the hardest to part with. And I know, I could get a Kindle or something, but I just love real, honest to goodness books. I love the feel of them, the smell of them (as long as they don’t smell musty, dusty or smoky!) and you just don’t get that in a Kindle. But many of those books don’t get read, so I’m just going to have to find a way to part with them one way or another. I thought maybe it would be a good winter project – read a book one more time for old time’s sake and then find a new home for it.

Overall, I am happy with what I’ve done so far. I don’t know that you can see a huge difference, but just knowing I’ve removed a bunch of Stuff that I didn’t love or use feels great. You can, however, see a big difference in the toy area and the shelf where we keep the kid’s books. It’s progress, and that’s always a good thing.

I’m going to continue to remove something from my home every day, even if it just gets to the back of the van to go to Goodwill, at least it is out of the house. I will remember to drop it off every week, since I’ll have to have room for groceries. “Odd-sized trash” week is coming up for our town, so I hope to have some trash to load up out front.

Well, there you have it, folks. I’m plugging away at my challenge and am trying to keep focused on the wide, clear, open space I long to have in my home – so I can breathe!

It’s Over,Facebook. For Real This Time

About three years ago, I entered into a relationship with Facebook. It was fun at first. Became an obsession for a while. Then, things began to change. Subtle at first. Things you get used to after a while, and forget why you were so irritated to begin with by the change. But this time, Facebook crossed the line.

I knew it was coming. The signs were everywhere. Other people were talking about it. It’s not like I had no warning at all. But, when I still hadn’t been Timelined, I thought maybe they had forgotten about me. Or, maybe they were afraid of me…as I am not afraid to complain about things I don’t like. Just ask anyone who knows me about my feelings on Mitch Daniels and Daylight Savings Time Dumb Stupid Time. It’s been like six years since that stupid practice was forced down my throat and I still hate it. Loathe it. Detest it. But, that is a rant reserved for for two times a year. The second time is coming in approximately 65 days. Yes, I count the days until we cast off the insanity and resume to normal time keeping. Which is in 69 days, but I usually post something about it a few days ahead.

I digress. Stupidity makes me do that.

There are some people who actually like the new Timeline format. Others don’t care one way or the other. And many, many who hate it. Those who like it accuse those who hate it of just being resistant to change and we should just suck it up and get over it already. These are probably the same people who say we need to be tolerant of other people’s views. Hmpf. Just another example of the bigotry of the Tolerance religion – we must respect other people’s views and beliefs…except when they differ from Ours.

I have good reasons for leaving Facebook – for real, for good – this time. I’ve been trying to break free from the FB habit for some time, but I must admit it has a pull, a certain addictive quality, that makes it difficult to break away. Much like leaving a cult…or a gang. Or trying to kick a $3000 a day cocaine habit. There’s just something about it that makes us feel good.

Is it because we are all incredibly nosey curious? Is it because we are somehow able to feel a sense of connectedness, of community, of family, better over a cold and impersonal internet connection than we can with the people around us who are warm, breathing, bodies of flesh?

Some say that “It's been suggested that people who love Timeline are narcissistic, because Timeline makes it a pleasure to design and curate a digital timeline of your life.” I would also suggest that Facebook in general appeals to the narcissist in all of us. Finally, we have a free forum in which to espouse our many views on life and religion and politics, mostly free from reprisal. We are instantly “published” without the thoughtful work that goes writing a book, or even a quality blog post – spur-of-the-moment status updates can be the equivalent of diarrhea of the mouth. And, if we don’t like what someone says about our obviously superior views, we can delete their comments and unfriend them. Problem solved.

Yes, I’m just as guilty as anyone for spouting off my views on Facebook. And I believe I am right about what I believe…why would I post something I don’t believe to be true? Or morally right? And yes, I have the audacity to disagree with other beliefs and views. I have the audacity to believe they are wrong, at times. That is my view, my belief, and it is just as valid as the opposing views and beliefs, right? According to almighty Tolerance, it should be.  However, anyone with any kind of intelligence and discernment (and a Facebook page) can see that “Tolerance” is rather one-sided.

Again…I digress. Induced by the stupidity of hypocritical “tolerance.”

All of this rambling is to say that I’m just completely over the whole Facebook experience. Facebook doesn’t care about its users, it cares about turning a profit. It does that by selling information that users readily hand over. There is no such thing as privacy on the internet, regardless of “privacy policies”…if you go online, you have to give out information at some point. If you choose to do that, then you can’t whine because someone else does something with it. The world is full of unscrupulous people, greedy people, people with cold hearts that only care about themselves. It’s not a world I want to be a part of, frankly.

Facebook takes up too much time. I’ve had several occasions where I quit logging in (but didn’t deactivate my account) because the dishes weren’t getting done and people were running out of clean underwear. That just really isn’t good. I’m a SAHM, my job is to take care of my family and home. Anything that interferes with that just really has to go.

Sometimes, it takes something drastic to get us to change our bad habits and selfish ways. When Facebook decided that every user would be forcibly switched to the new Timeline, I decided that was it. I will not change voluntarily, and when they do switch me, I’m pulling the plug on my FB account. Surprisingly, it took the better part of a year for them to get around to changing my profile. As providence would have it, it was at the beginning of the month of Elul on the Hebrew calendar. A month dedicated to reflection, repentance, prayer and study. And there is just no room in all of that for the distraction of Facebook.

I will, of course, miss some things. Or, people, rather…as a Marine parent, the support of a Marine Moms group on FB has been amazing, and I’ve met some terrific ladies there. I have family around the country, as well as friends, that I rarely see, but can easily connect with on FB. Why is that not enough to keep me on there? Because real relationships require cultivation and maintenance. They require work. It is much more meaningful to get a real, honest to goodness letter from someone instead of a quick post on their “wall” or a tag in a comment somewhere. It says you care enough about THEM to take time out of your day to make an effort to let them know they are important to you. It’s not easy in this busy, electronic world we live in, true…but I think we need to reclaim some compassionate humanity and let go of cold, electronic indifference.

I can not, of course, end this without addressing another large reason for telling FB to go jump off a cliff. As someone who does not particularly like change all that much, I most definitely do not like it forced on me. My inner child stomps her feet and fumes and pouts and spouts off about it. You can’t make me like or accept something by forcing it on me. And to think that everyone on FB is going to blindly accept whatever you throw at them is just ridiculous. At least for now…the sheeple are coming along, of course. But this woman is no sheeple and I will not be “coming along”.

Not having the ball and chain of Facebook around my ankle has been nice. I’m kind of in a deprogramming mode – I want to log in, to see if anyone misses me, to see what I missed…and yet, I don’t. I thought I’d log in after a week to retrieve some information, like a message I recently received that I want to keep, some email addresses of people I really want to stay in contact with, and tie up some loose ends in a group I created. But, I’m liking not being on Facebook so much, I just might not!

So, for those who think I’m just being silly and resistant to change…well, think what you want. Facebook is not mandatory (yet…have you seen this about a German article? Apparently, people who DON’T have a FB or other social networking account might be “suspicious”. I just might be on a List somewhere now since I don’t have a Facebook…) so I don’t have to have a FB account if I don’t want to. And I have no interest trading my personal information to use a site that forces me into a box of conformity. I would think that for the valuable trade-off of personal information to feed to their  advertisers, Facebook could at least throw its users a bone and allow for some personalization. Give them a choice in the matter, so they don’t feel so…violated. Make them feel like you care and they might not complain so much.

Bottom line is…I have a real life. Sorry, Facebook…it’s you, and you have to go. And don’t ever call me again, I mean it.

Facing the Book

If there was a 12-Step Program for Facebook addiction, I probably might have found myself in a meeting some night.

Hello, my name is Dawn. I’m a Facebookie. I’ve been on FB now for two years. At first, it was great…it was new, exciting, lots of fun…but then after a while, it started to take over my life…

I would look out at the rows of cold, flesh-colored folding chairs filled with others who struggle with this addiction and be met with knowing glances, slight nods, maybe even that far-off look one gets when reminiscing on something Back In The Day.

…I started finding myself on FB in the strangest of places, like the shower (I just had to reply to something RIGHT THEN, it couldn’t wait)…

Smiles, giggles, murmured sharing of their own Strange Places. A silent understanding of the urgency a FB post can have that can strike anywhere, anytime.

…It got to be that I couldn’t go anywhere without knowing I’d have the connection I needed to get my FB fix. My cell phone became permanently attached to me. And once I got that netbook…well, that was what pushed me over the edge really…

Dark clouds drift over the eyes watching me. They remember their own Edge. They remember what pushed them over. They despise me for reminding them.

 …One day, I had a fleeting moment of lucidity. I realized that the reason every dish, glass, fork and pan in the house was dirty, the reason everyone was out of clean underwear, the reason every day got so far away from me was because of it. Because of Facebook.

A few tears now, as they go from despising me to empathizing with me. They have been there too. That’s why they were here this night in the church basement on those cold, hard flesh-colored folding chairs, surrounded by cement block walls doused in ecru…as if a fancy name for “whitish” would actually take away the institutional feel of those walls.

I decided to quit.

Applause. A few “yeah!'”-s. For a brief moment, I was someone they could admire. I had made that tough decision to quit.

Cold turkey.

Gasps. Heart-clutching. One poor lady began to shake uncontrollably. I had moved beyond Nobility and into the Land of Absurdity. What? Who does that? Who just quits FB cold turkey?

I’ll tell you who does that. Someone who realizes that time is an irreplaceable commodity that must be managed well if anything meaningful is to come out of its use. Someone who realizes that clean dishes and underwear, while part of the mundane, are vital to good health and comfort. They are part of the background on this set in which we play at life. Someone’s gotta do it…and unless you can pay someone to do it for you, YOU need to do it or delegate it properly.

Ok, so maybe I didn’t actually attend a Facebookies Anonymous meeting in a cold, cement block walled church basement with flickering fluorescent lights…but the thing about the dishes was true. And there was one day that my three year old didn’t have any unders, because mama was too busy on FB to do the laundry.

And so, as of January 1, 2012, I cut myself off of FB. And in this last month, my kitchen has been clean most of the time (debilitating FB addiction aside, housework and organization and time management have never come easy to me…), the laundry is caught up, and I am able to enter my Father’s rest on the Sabbath. It’s a wonderful thing.

But so is FB and the internet. They can both have a useful purpose. Morphine, after all, is very useful in treating excruciating pain. But with anything that has the potential to become a life-controlling addiction, the key is to use them responsibly. And so, as I return to the land of FB today, I do so with some rules:

1. I will not start my day off on Facebook
2. If the dishes are dirty, NO FACEBOOK
3. If anyone is out of any kind of clothing, NO FACEBOOK
4. If my husband needs my attention or assistance, NO FACEBOOK
5. If my children need my attention or assistance, NO FACEBOOK
6. And, most importantly, if I haven’t spent quality time with my God today, NO FACEBOOK

Now, if everything is in order…my worship and work are done…then I will allow myself a reasonable amount of time on Facebook. I suspect I will have to use a timer…because time really has  a way of getting away from me. There is no Daytimer that can help me, trust me…

And if I find myself breaking the rules and my family comes to me hungry and naked as I sit at my computer completely absorbed in Facebook…I will have to cut myself off again, only the next time it probably ought to be permanently. Serving my Creator, my family and life in all it’s unpredictable bliss are far more important.

Really. I’m very sure of that. I think…be sure to watch my FB wall in case I change my mind (; And, if you see me on Facebook, don't be afraid to ask me if the dishes are done or if my family is running around naked.