Coffee With the Enemy

We all have people in our lives who rub us the wrong way. Some have even gone as far as to plunge a long, sharp knife deep into our back. So what do you do when God says “be a blessing to your enemy”? You have a choice to obey – or not – just like with anything else. But when God is asking you to step out and be vulnerable, He is not doing it to harm you. There is a greater purpose involved. We may never know what it is, but then that’s why HE is God and we are not. Fortunately, God created coffee on the third day and called it good. I completely agree. As for sharing with my enemy…well, I’m not real crazy about that but I’m doing it anyway.

I’m actually sitting in a local coffee shop right now. Waiting to meet with someone I honestly wish just did not exist. I’m going to buy this person coffee or tea or whatever. And I’m going to use a gift card that I won just yesterday. Because God said to do it. The worst part is that God also said “just listen.” I don’t want to “just listen!” I have an earful to give this person, if only I could. I imagine I will be nearly biting my tongue off by the end of it, but I’m going to do what God said to do. And I’m going to trust that He knows best. He knows what the purpose of this is. And He knows what the outcome will be. He even knows whether or not I will actually keep my mouth shut, something else I do not have knowledge of. My heart is <mostly> willing, but my flesh is about as weak as they come.

My guest is four minutes late. I came half an hour early, to kind of get my bearings and quiet my spirit as much as possible. Every time the door opens I cringe inside.  I don’t want to do this. But now my guest has arrived…

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Well, that was just weird. And awkward. And I don’t really know what to make of it. A lot of uncomfortable silence. A lot of talk about this that and the other thing. I made small talk. I agreed with some things that were said. But for the most part, I kept my tongue in check. Not like I was planning on going on some kind of rant and rave…although I could have reached down deep inside and pulled that knife out…and used it.  

But…God said “just listen.” There was even an offer for me to get whatever I had to say off my heart, but I said “No, God said listen and that’s what I’m doing.”

I can’t tell you what a miracle that was. That I was obedient. That I was immediately obedient. And that I kept my tongue under control…well, that is definitely an amazing feat of biblical proportions, believe me!

What will come of it? I don’t know. I didn’t notify my guest that I planned on buying and they bought a drink before sitting down. So, I explained about the gift card and slid it over. I blessed my enemy today. Only good can come of that, right? I’m trying not to think about the times before when treachery followed blessing. I’m trying to trust that God will use this situation for the good of all involved.

I am afraid the other party thinks we will do more of this in the future. It’s not something I’m necessarily wanting to do. But if God says “Do It” then I will. I don’t have the privilege of seeing the Big Picture, so I don’t know how this odd-shaped piece fits into the puzzle. Guess that’s why He’s God and I am…simply not.

Watch Out…Extremists are Attacking Women!

Sometimes I just can’t believe what is going on in this country. Observing political “discourse” is like hanging out at an elementary school playground…or a junior high school…and watching the superb socialization and interaction that goes on there.   I recently signed a petition to support not using some dangerous chemical on our food crops. Today, I checked my email and found an email from CREDO, the organization behind the petition, declaring that extremists are attacking women. Being a woman, of course, I was alarmed…

The subject of the email was “Rep. Stutzman voted to redefine rape.”  Alright, that is intriguing…just how can one redefine rape? I’m a pretty black-and-white person…rape is rape, there is no gray area…just like gluten-free, to me, means there’s no gluten in something, not just a trace…something the FDA apparently can’t decide on. Right is right, wrong is wrong…and yes, there are at times difficult and extenuating circumstances but for me, it all rests on a black and white foundation.

I was then informed that “251 extremists in the House of Representatives voted yesterday to approve an anti-choice bill that would significantly restrict women's access to abortion services and even "redefine rape." “ Anti-choice, of course, means anti-abortion…pro-choice does not tolerate a person choosing to not support abortion. I was also informed that my representative voted for it and was then encouraged to click on a link to tell him that I “consider his vote on H.R.3 to be an attack on women.”

Good grief…really? An elected official, voting according to what he believes to be right and good for the nation, is attacking women? Anyone with any sense of morality, any amount of maturity above the level of a teenager, and any common sense should be able to see that this group of people, while passionate about what they believe to be right and good, are stooping to juvenile levels and viciously attacking and name-calling because someone else has the audacity to have their own (differing)  opinion!

What about tolerance? What about diversity? I thought we were all supposed to be free to believe and live (and vote) how we want? This double-standard absolutely drives me out of my ever-lovin’ mind.  Pro-choice only means choosing to support abortion…what a misleading choice of wording.  Even more disturbing is that so many people are apparently incapable of rightly discerning the truth behind the pro-abortion movement’s “noble” cause of affording women everywhere the right to “choose.”

I have exercised my own right, as a woman, to choose to not support abortion. And don’t argue with me about poor women not having access to the health care they “need.”  The end does not justify the means. There is no situation in which I can believe that a bill that restricts abortions in some way is going to negatively impact women’s health. You want poor women to not be denied health “care”? How about we start with what gets them in trouble to begin with? But then we have to examine morality, and since morality can not, in actuality, have gray areas, it infringes on a person’s right to live their life how they please, consequences be damned.

I can not, in good conscience, remain on the email list of an organization that supports and encourages women to kill their own children. Fortunately, not only was there a link to be removed from the email list, there was also a box to comment on why I wanted to be removed. I doubt I’ll ever hear back from them regarding my comments…although if I do, I suspect it will be to condemn me for the CHOICE I made to not support the “pro-choice” movement.

Here is my comment:

I can agree with some of CREDO's positions (such as not using dangerous chemicals on our food), but can not support an organization that supports the killing of innocent human beings. CREDO obviously is infected with the same juvenile, hypocritical intolerance typical of many liberals...evidenced by the inflammatory and outrageous statement that "extremists" voting on an "anti-choice" bill to redefine rape is an "attack" on women. It apparent to me that "pro-choice", as defined by liberals, means people have the RIGHT to CHOOSE...ONLY as long as they choose to support abortion. If they exercise their RIGHT to CHOOSE to NOT support abortion, then they are demonized and called "extremists" who "attack" women. How so many people can be blind to this obvious double-standard, this INTOLERANCE to any beliefs or positions that are different than their own while demanding that everyone has the right to live and believe as they want to is beyond me. Honestly, watching the political discourse in this country is like observing children on the playground...cliques and temper-tantrums and name-calling...I can't believe this is the America I grew up loving and believing was the best country in the world. PROGRESSIVE? I don't think so...progress means moving forward, not regressing to elementary-level tactics.

And so, in light of this, I do not wish to receive any more emails from CREDO. Please, consider my opinion with an open mind, if that is at all possible for you, before labeling me one of those "extremist" right-wing nut-jobs who are out to "attack" women...I am a woman, and I am exercising my RIGHT to CHOOSE - and I choose to believe that human life begins at conception, that every embryo is unique in his or her own DNA and has the potential, if not destroyed, to become something wonderful. What if, in one of these abortions you so passionately fight for, the one human being who could have cured cancer was killed? Or the group of people, had they been allowed to live, who could have established world peace, now are tossed out like trash...and what if your own mother  had chosen to kill YOU...do you ever think about that? This is what I have chosen to believe, can you put to practice what you preach and let me believe it without resorting to calling me names...can you be tolerant of MY beliefs?

So, if you consider believing that a human being is a human being at the moment he or she is conceived, just like a dog is a dog, a chicken is a chicken, a cat is a cat (for that is, after all, what each will become if they are allowed to develop unmolested); or if the term “pro-choice” actually means one is allowed to choose a side in this issue without being viciously attacked and called names, then please, by all means, call me extreme. I love my children, whom I chose to carry and give birth to, in the most extreme sense of the word…and I’m quite proud to be extreme. But don’t you dare say that because I don’t support your twisted view of human life that I am “attacking” women.

What Did You Just Ask Me?

Haven't blogged for a while...the days have been quite ordinary lately. Then one day you get up and everything's like the day before and the day before that and the day before the day before that...until...

In all fairness, my stepson did mention earlier today that he wanted to talk to his father and I after dad got home from work, so I knew something was coming. I really hate it when people say "I want to talk to you later" and then leave you hanging. Opens the door to all kinds of worries and imaginary crises...unless, of course, you're one of those eternally optimistic people who probably imagine winning the lottery, an end to war, a cure for cancer, or even a truly bi-partisan government who can put aside petty differences in order to make wise, fiscally sound decisions that will make all of America happy and blissful once again. But, I digress...

Even with the warning of some impending information that may or may not be good, I was completely shocked. Totally and completely shocked. Still am, really.

So what was this thing he needed to discuss with us? Apparently his mother wanted to come and visit him and his brothers and needed a place to stay...so could she stay in our spare bedroom for just one night?

Really. He actually asked us that. I'm not making this up just to create a sensational blog entry. He actually asked if my husband's ex could spend the night in our home. As if.

My husband was quite to the point: "No." and he walked back down into the basement, where he and the landlord were working on fixing the contraption in the basement ironically called a "furnace."

Thanks.  That left me there...stuck as I was because I was cleaning out our refrigerator, which had taken on a rather disgusting funk that could not be precisely pinned down without removing all of the contents and giving each one the Sniff Test. Loads of fun, really.

Number One really couldn't see what the big deal was. I tried to explain that it was completely inappropriate for an ex-spouse to spend the night in the home of her former and very happily remarried spouse.  Especially when the three of us really don't like each other all that much.  Even if we all had a "normal" (or maybe getting along and being friends isn't normal, I don't know...I do know the the dynamics here are strained and strange) kind of divorce relationship, it would still be completely inappropriate.

I suppose I should mention here that Number One is 20 years old. Legally an adult, yet still quite naïve to the complex issues that plague adults...especially when it comes to divorce etiquette.

Then, to make the Shock and Awe campaign complete, he asks if she could stay in the old building on our town lot referred to as a "barn." It really is a barn, as our century-plus home once sat out in the country.  It probably had animals in it at one time...now it's more of a storage area for I'm not even sure what...it doesn't belong to us, I don't ask questions. Or go in there much.

I said, "Are you kidding?"

 

Apparently not...he had actually thought this out. The plan included something about him pulling his car in there and she could sleep in his car.  In case you are reading this from a nice, warm climate...let me assure you it's quite chilly here in Northern Indiana...in January. I think this would be referred to as "grasping at straws." Although no straws were being extended, believe you me.

I was then informed that we "suck" as he stormed out of the house. Guess we're doing something right if he still disagrees with our decisions...(thanks, Sissy! <3 ya!)

It was truly heartbreaking, once you got past the audaciousness of the whole thing, to witness this young man's desperation to make this trip, which seems to hinge on whether or not his mom can find somewhere to stay, possible. It's been a while since he's seen her. I get that, I really do.  I'm sure right now he, and everyone he tells this story to, thinks we are cold, callous and heartless.  Some day, and I don't hope this for him at all, if he is divorced and remarried, he'll understand where we are coming from. Or at least will have the opportunity to understand.

And honestly, it's very unfortunate that his mother is in this position...however, it is not our responsibility to provide lodging for her. She's an adult, and while asking someone if she can stay with them while she is in town is not unreasonable, asking her remarried ex if she can stay at his place is completely and utterly outrageous.  I certainly hope this was Number One's harebrained idea and not hers. I'm just not sure what I'd have to say about it if she was the one who talked him into asking us that. 

But...I guess I have to give him credit for having the guts to ask it. And for not telling me I'm going to be a grandma. Big kudos for that. Big BIG kudos for that...

I do hope she can find suitable accommodations and that her and the boys can have a wonderful, healing and blessed visit together.  They all really need that. But it won't be happening here. And don't try to make me feel guilty by saying we should extend Christian charity to those in need...Jesus said pray for people and do good, turn the other cheek, etc. but he did not say anything about being a doormat. He wasn't a doormat when he tossed the money changers out of the temple. Jesus is kind and gentle and loving, but he does not "enable" people! 

So, it will be very interesting to see how this all unfolds. I really do hope the visit will work out for them. And I hope for the sake of sanity, peace, and all that is holy and good she plans on not stopping by any time soon. That's just where I am at the moment. God is working on that...I suppose all of this is part of His plan to work that "stuff" out of my heart. But really, God...seriously? Surely You jest...I know all about Your sense of humor...

Lord, please help this mother and her sons to be able to visit together. Bless her with a beautiful and relaxing place to stay in an environment full of your grace, presence and love. And please help Number One to understand why we just can't let her stay here...