Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Coffee With the Enemy

soldier drinking coffee
We all have people in our lives who rub us the wrong way. Some have even gone as far as to plunge a long, sharp knife deep into our back. So what do you do when God says “be a blessing to your enemy”? You have a choice to obey – or not – just like with anything else. But when God is asking you to step out and be vulnerable, He is not doing it to harm you. There is a greater purpose involved. We may never know what it is, but then that’s why HE is God and we are not. Fortunately, God created coffee on the third day and called it good. I completely agree. As for sharing with my enemy…well, I’m not real crazy about that but I’m doing it anyway.

I’m actually sitting in a local coffee shop right now. Waiting to meet with someone I honestly wish just did not exist. I’m going to buy this person coffee or tea or whatever. And I’m going to use a gift card that I won just yesterday. Because God said to do it. The worst part is that God also said “just listen.” I don’t want to “just listen!” I have an earful to give this person, if only I could. I imagine I will be nearly biting my tongue off by the end of it, but I’m going to do what God said to do. And I’m going to trust that He knows best. He knows what the purpose of this is. And He knows what the outcome will be. He even knows whether or not I will actually keep my mouth shut, something else I do not have knowledge of. My heart is <mostly> willing, but my flesh is about as weak as they come.

My guest is four minutes late. I came half an hour early, to kind of get my bearings and quiet my spirit as much as possible. Every time the door opens I cringe inside.  I don’t want to do this. But now my guest has arrived…

Well, that was just weird. And awkward. And I don’t really know what to make of it. A lot of uncomfortable silence. A lot of talk about this that and the other thing. I made small talk. I agreed with some things that were said. But for the most part, I kept my tongue in check. Not like I was planning on going on some kind of rant and rave…although I could have reached down deep inside and pulled that knife out…and used it.  

But…God said “just listen.” There was even an offer for me to get whatever I had to say off my heart, but I said “No, God said listen and that’s what I’m doing.”

I can’t tell you what a miracle that was. That I was obedient. That I was immediately obedient. And that I kept my tongue under control…well, that is definitely an amazing feat of biblical proportions, believe me!

What will come of it? I don’t know. I didn’t notify my guest that I planned on buying and they bought a drink before sitting down. So, I explained about the gift card and slid it over. I blessed my enemy today. Only good can come of that, right? I’m trying not to think about the times before when treachery followed blessing. I’m trying to trust that God will use this situation for the good of all involved.

I am afraid the other party thinks we will do more of this in the future. It’s not something I’m necessarily wanting to do. But if God says “Do It” then I will. I don’t have the privilege of seeing the Big Picture, so I don’t know how this odd-shaped piece fits into the puzzle. Guess that’s why He’s God and I am…simply not.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Gunked Up Stoves and Hearts

stove top and cleaning toolsDoes God use the ordinary and mundane things of life to speak to you about deep, spiritual matters? What spiritual lesson could one possibly learn while cleaning a stove anyway? What started out to be a post centered on cleaning, procrastination and elbow grease has turned out to be something much more profound.

When we moved into the house we live in now, the stove in the kitchen had a lot of gunk burnt on around the burners. Like carbonized…nothing I tried would get it to come off. I thought about using a knife or something to chisel it off, but I was afraid that I’d ruin the surface of the stove, so I left it alone. After a while, I got used to the way it looked and even though I hated it because it looked like I never cleaned the stove, it eventually bothered me less and less. There was nothing I could do about it, I thought, so why bother.

Periodically, I’d get an urge to try again to get that gunk off the stove. I’d try some new cleaner or cleaning tool. I’d have minimal success. I’d give up and once again go back to not noticing the burned on, carbonized, black nasty gunk on the pretty white stove top.

Yesterday, I tried again. I got out a can of scouring powder and a scrubby pad. It seemed to be working, then I thought “Well, that’s probably just new stuff…it’s probably not working on the old gunk.” I wanted to give up…it’s been 90+ degrees and humid like a rainforest here for what seems like years this summer. I don’t really want to be scrubbing my stove, to be honest. Then, I considered using a knife again.

What did I have to lose? It couldn’t possibly look worse than it did right then…right?

gunky burner
This burner is only half as bad as the main burner I cook with.
 I forgot to take a picture of that one!

I grabbed an old steak knife that would barely cut butter and went at it. I was surprised, and pleased, to see that it was chipping off easier than the one time before that I tried this technique (and discovered it left little marks behind). Perhaps the scouring powder had loosened things up this time. I carefully hacked away at the burnt on, carbonized, black nasty gunk on the nice, white stove top.

As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this gunked-up stove top was a perfect analogy for a deep, spiritual principle. Leave it to a blogger, huh?  I thought about how we’d lived in this house for nearly four years…how many meals I’d cooked on that stove…how many times I’d cleaned it, but only the surface…not the deep down, stuck on, burnt on nasty stuff. I’d hated the way it looked that and yet was able to ignore it for the majority of that time. And was able to justify not doing anything about it because I was afraid of ruining it and upsetting the landlord.

Then, I thought about things in my own heart…which I want to be nice and clean, pretty and white as snow. There’s things that dirty up the surface and are easily wiped away…and then there are the things that are black and stuck and won’t come off without a fight. Things that have been there for years and years. Things that I hate, and yet can overlook because after a while, you just get used to it being a part of you.  Cleaners don’t work. Scrubby pads don’t work. It takes a knife to remove those old, nasty black spots on my heart.

But, I’m afraid.

Afraid of the work involved. Afraid of the pain. Afraid it might change me too much. Afraid of what others would think, even. But shouldn’t I be most afraid of upsetting the Lord of my heart by not tending to those things? God is good. God is for me, not against me. Pain is not always bad, if it brings life and beauty in the end. And He promised never to leave me or forsake me, so why should I be afraid?

I finally got the stove top clean. There was only one burner area that showed any kind of evidence of being hacked at by a dull steak knife. Minimal scarring, really. Did it detract from the beauty of the stove top as a whole? Maybe, if you focused on that. But just taking a look at the clean stove top, it looked new. And I finally loved my stove, which has served me well for years and helped me to prepare nourishing meals for my family. I no longer felt ashamed for anyone to see it, either. It was a nice feeling.

This morning, I cooked on my lovely “new” stove. I made a pot of oatmeal for breakfast. I wasn’t paying attention and it began to boil over…leaving a nice gloppy mess on my clean, white stove. The analogy continues…if we don’t pay close attention to what is in our hearts and minds, they are easily soiled again.

gloppy oatmeal
Watched pots never boil...but unattended pots boil over


I cleaned it up right away. I didn’t let it sit there. I didn’t ignore it so it would become a black nasty spot that would be difficult and painful to remove. The stove is once again nice and clean…

all clean
Almost looks like a brand new stove again!

…well, except for the back part, which apparently had the paint scrubbed off at some point. I think I can get some appliance paint maybe and fix that. But at least the area where I prepare food daily doesn’t look dirty and nasty anymore. Thanks, God…You have such a way of using the ordinary to speak to me about things that are extraordinary, like your love, faithfulness, forgiveness, mercy and grace. I love You!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Love, Lies and Internal Tapes

smile god loves you emoticonIf you truly understood that God loves you, it would transform your life. Every area. You would never be the same again from the moment you accepted that truth. So why do so many people struggle with moving beyond “knowing” that God loves us (because, after all, that’s what the smiley faces tell us) and believing that He does?  What stands between reason and faith?

thoughts…

God’s word is full of His promises and His declaration of undying, unconditional love for us. We read it, we hear it on the radio, and in the pulpit on Sunday mornings.  Other people tell us.  And we even say it ourselves. But when we take a look at how we live what we believe, there is often a discrepancy between head-knowledge belief that God loves us and hearts that believe without a doubt that He does. And if we look very closely, and listen carefully, we will most likely see that while we know we should believe God loves us, and think we do, our internal dialogue tells a completely different story…
 “If God really loved me, He wouldn’t let me suffer like this…”
“God must love her more than me, look how “blessed” she is while I struggle just to get by…”
“God only loves me when I get it right…”
Our thoughts are a combination of endless input from those around us, from the media, from what we read or listen to. Our "original" concepts of ourselves and of God and others may not be as original as we think they are sometimes. Do the advertisements on TV tell you that you're too fat?  Did your father tell you that you were incompetent? Did your group of friends talk about the neighbor down the street at your last coffee klatch? Our minds take in so much data, and left to its own devices the mind can truly make a mess of all that information.

role models…

father hand baby handOur view of God as a Heavenly Father is often shaped by our experiences with our earthly fathers. If you father abandoned you, if he abused you, if he was harsh, demanding and critical, it can be hard to not think of God in the same light. Was your father loving, kind and supportive? How blessed you are! But even then, all it takes is a little seed planted at the right time and a harvest of doubt can be reaped.

lies and feelings…

There are at least two things that can get in the way of believing in your heart what your mind already knows. Lies and Feelings. Satan, who is the Father of Lies, is really good at whispering little questions in our ears…questions that get us to doubt the Truth of God’s word. "Did God really say that?”“Is that really what He meant?” And sometimes, he’s not subtle at all…“He promised to meet all your needs, so where is He now that the mortgage is due and you don’t have the money to pay it?” Those little seeds of doubt can take root and grow into bitterness, envy, and anger at God.

Then there’s our Feelings. We’re supposed to have “childlike” faith, right? That’s what Jesus said:
I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it” (Mark 10:15)
Receiving God’s love like a little child does not mean that we let our emotions, which are often immature, rule our decisions. We receive God’s love by believing that He loves us, just as our own children so readily believe that we love them. But, their immature emotions will often lead them to the conclusion that we don’t love them…if we don’t give them what they want or let them do something they want to do.  We have the same tendencies toward God at times, too. We need to readily believe, as a child, while exercising self-control over our emotions, as adults do…or should, anyway.

When we let our childlike Feelings reason for us in difficult situations, we can also end up feeling bitter, resentful and angry toward God. We can feel like he’s being mean…just like mom is a big meanie when she tells her three year old that he can’t have cookies for breakfast.  The child doesn’t understand that eating sugary, unhealthy cookies for breakfast can ruin his appetite for healthy, nourishing foods that his growing body needs to mature and to build a strong immune system to protect against illness. Mom is really looking out for his best interest, she is protecting him and showing him love – because she cares about even little things like that and because she knows something the child doesn’t. The lack of understanding on the child’s part does not change, diminish or remove the love of his mother.

take a look inside…and weed the garden

If you struggle with really believing that God loves you, take  look inside for a moment. Listen to yourself as you think about the difficult situations you face…what are you saying? Is it really true? Is it a lie? Examine your feelings, too…what are they telling you? Are they ruling your thoughts and decisions, or are they under control? And, ultimately, do the thoughts and feelings you have line up with what God’s word says? If not, you need to feast upon the word and intentionally spend time with God, letting Him reveal His true character to you…which is Love.

Anything that does not agree with God’s word is a lie. It will produce fruit in your life, if you allow it to take root and grow, but that fruit will be rotten and destructive. Take time every day to pull the weeds out of your heart and mind. Ask God to show you the things you believe that are contrary to His word.

be encouraged…

God’s love really is simple. It’s huge, it’s unconditional, it’s free. It’s ours for the receiving, if we will but just believe. Paul prayed that we would
…[be] rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.    Ephesians 3:18-19
And while I believe it is impossible to fully understand, grasp and know the love of God in its entirety, I do believe it is possible to understand it as much as we are humanly capable. We define the ceiling of that understanding by what we choose to believe about God, about His love, and about ourselves.
“What a good earthly father would not do, God who is our Father would not do either; and what a good father ought to do, God who is our Father is absolutely sure to do.” ~ Hannah Whitall Smith

Monday, June 27, 2011

SOAP Devotion: The Disciplined Mind

After using the SOAP format for a few weeks, I've found that I really like it. Well enough to switch my devotional posts over to a collaborative blog I'm doing with a dear friend of mine, where we are both searching for God's pure, unadulterated Truth.

I've begun studying a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, along with the companion study Walking In The Truth. I'll be using the SOAP format to post what Truth God is revealing to me through this study.  Today, I learned about having a disciplined mind.

So, grab a cup of coffee and head on over to A Cup of Truth and join us as we discover just what Truth is...

A Cup of Truth:  The Disciplined Mind
Do you ever pay attention to your mind? Do you “take every thought captive”, as the Word admonishes? Or, are your thoughts running amok throughout the day? God doesn’t tell us to take our thoughts captive for no reason…we have an enemy bent on destroying us and all that we hold dear.  [read more here...]

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

SOAP Devotion: 1 Corinthians 3

building blocks
What kind of materials are we using as we build on the foundations laid in people’s lives? What kind of foundation have we laid in our children’s lives? Every word, every action is like a brick, a 2 x 4, a nail…all building and shaping who our children become. I know I’m only “supposed” to use one verse, but these two need to go together, so I’m cheating a little bit…


Today’s reading is 1 Corinthians 3

ScriptureSome will use gold, silver or precious stones in building on this foundation; while others will use wood, grass or straw. 13 But each one's work will be shown for what it is; the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire - the fire will test the quality of each one's work.  1 Corinthians 3:12-13

Observation: Everything we do or say influences and builds on another’s foundation. From the moment our children are born, we are laying a foundation and building upon it. What materials will we use? Anything made of wood, grass or straw will burn up and not last, and it will not make the structure stronger, but weaker. The same is true for me…others have built on the foundation of my life. What is wood, grass or straw…what is gold, silver and precious stones?

Application: As I read this, I thought of both what I’ve used to build in my children’s lives and what has been used to build in my own life growing up. It hasn’t all been gold, silver and precious stones. There is comfort in knowing that it will be burned up at some point…but that seems like such a waste. Can it be removed and replaced with gold, silver and precious stones that will not be burned away?

Buildings can be restored. It can take a long time and a lot of work, but it can be done. Repairing mistakes and damage before the building is finished seems like it would be much easier than after the building is done…after it has aged and weathered and settled.

Following the blueprints and directions will ensure the building is built soundly and correctly. Even when the ground shakes, the building can stand. But when the building is built haphazardly, not to code, and with substandard materials…even the smallest shaking or adverse conditions can cause the building to be damaged or be destroyed.

God’s Word and Holy Spirit are the blueprints and directions we are to follow when raising our children. The gold, silver and precious stones we are to use are all of the good things of God – love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control – that shape and build their hearts, minds, souls and character into the people that He has designed them to be.

While we can’t control what others do, and unfortunately there will be “non-union” workers who show up on the job, we do have control over what we choose to do and say and where we allow our children to be. As they get older, we have to let them go a little bit…and trust that the foundation we laid and have built upon is strong and sturdy.

God allows us to build as we wish…but we then have to accept the consequences, and pay the price, for not following the directions.  I’m so glad that he is not like some earthly bosses who will fire you for making mistakes…His grace is abundant and mercy unceasing. But I have to remember it’s not just me that is affected here…my children are, and potentially my grandchildren. I must be purposeful in my parenting, and must strive to always follow the blueprints and the directions while building upon my children’s hearts, minds and souls.

PrayerFather, I so wish I wasn’t just “getting” this concept now. My precious daughter, whom You used to turn me back to You, is now almost 11 years old. 11 years of not always following the blueprint for her life. 11 years of not always seeking Your direction in how to parent her. I know I have used some wood, grass and straw to build in her life…please help me find it and remove it so it can be replaced with what is truly valuable and lasting. And my son, too…even he, in his short 3 years, has had some substandard material added to his foundation. Forgive me, Lord, for not always taking seriously this job before me…for letting my own wants and desires cause me to use anything but precious metals and stones to build in their lives. Help me to restore what has not been done correctly so that they are standing upon a strong, solid, and impermeable foundation. And Lord...help me remove in me what was laid there by others that doesn't belong and weakens this temple of yours. Replace it with what it good, pure and true and will last for eternity.


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Monday, June 13, 2011

SOAP Devotion: Romans 3

Ever have one of those mornings (or whenever you have your quiet devotional time) where you just can’t seem to focus on what you’re reading? As I asked the Lord what to read today, one verse kept running through my head…I couldn’t remember where it was exactly, but knew it was in Romans. I thought Romans 8, and read that…but that wasn’t it. So I looked up the verse and it was Romans 3…I had to struggle to stay focused this morning…perhaps it’s the Pharisee in me that didn’t want to hear truth today…

Today's reading is Romans 3

Scripture:  For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Observation: There is no one above sin, not me or anyone else. I should not hold another to a higher standard than I hold for myself.


Application: It’s so easy to judge others. I know the Bible says, and unbelievers are quite quick to point out, “judge not, lest ye be judged”, but still, it’s human nature to point out the flaws in others while ignoring the same, and sometimes even worse, flaws in ourselves.  It is completely wrong to expect someone to live up to standards that we ourselves can’t…or won’t…live up to…and yet, we still do just that.

I try to keep in mind that God is working on everyone, not just me. Everyone in the world is in varying stages of the process of perfection…from completely raw material (the unbeliever) to an almost polished gem (a precious saint moments away from finally seeing glory).  What's harder to do, however, is to remember that I often struggle with the same sins and flaws as the person who’s character I am critiquing.

ALL have sinned…even me…and fall short of the glory of God…even me. If I can remember that, will it be easier to find grace for those in my life who are difficult to deal with? I struggle with that fine line between grace and enabling. It’s not always so clear. That is where I just simply must be able to hear the Father’s voice, directing me in what to say and do in order to best help a person.  Being too harsh isn’t any more helpful than being too lenient…there just has to be balance. God has to be in the equation to balance things out.


Prayer: Father, thank You for Your grace and mercy…even though I sin and sin again. Help me to be able to show the same tender love, grace and mercy to others. Help me to not condemn another for a sin I also commit…help me to have compassion, to hear Your voice directing my words and actions. Help me to remember to allow You into the equation in order to find balance…for You cancel out the negatives in me and add the positives that are lacking. Thank You for what You have already done in my heart and mind toward those who have, in the past, been hurtful. Thank You for helping me see that You are diligently working in their lives too.



SOAP_RING_redo


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Thursday, June 9, 2011

SOAP Devotion: Proverbs 12

angry female cartoon
Do you ever get angry? I mean really, explosively angry? It is such an out-of-control feeling! And far too often, others get hurt because we are out of control. 


This morning, I went back to bed after seeing my honey off to work...the little girl I babysit wasn't coming until 9:00, it was rainy and dreary and just perfect for sleeping in. I should have stayed up and had my devotion time...that helps so much when it comes to controlling anger...to be plugged in and connected with God's grace for the day. And when that sippy cup fell onto my toe - good grief, who knew a half-empty sippy cup could feel like a boulder when it hits your toe - I had a hard time not exploding.  Only a few weeks ago, I probably would have...but feeling better makes it easier to keep those emotions in check. Still, I knew I needed to get connected with God before the rest of the day happened...and happened badly.

Proverbs 12 is full of great advice. Diligence and laziness, righteousness and wickedness, the wise and the foolish. I can’t say I’m surprised at what God brought to my attention this morning…and since I am wise, I will love correction and follow this excellent advice regarding anger…

Today’s Reading is Proverbs 12.

ScriptureA fool's anger is known at once, but a cautious person slighted conceals his feelings. Proverbs 12:16

Observation: There are a good many angry fools in society today. Restraining one’s emotions requires maturity and wisdom, and a cautious person is one who can keep their emotions in check, even when slighted.

Application:  I’ve had issues with anger for many years. Thankfully, God has worked on that wrinkle in my character faithfully and steadily.  As I have matured, it has become easier to not get carried away by my emotions and blow up like a volcano whenever something makes me angry or when I feel that my “rights” have been violated. Isn’t that what we feel when we’re slighted by someone?

A fool immediately reacts to a situation, and lets himself get carried away by his feelings. Things get said that hurt others. Things sometimes get broken. And many times, others can get physically hurt.  They are only thinking of themselves and their own feelings, not at all of the other person...except maybe of hurting them in retaliation. It is selfish an immature. Ouch, God...that one really hurts.

A wise person is cautious…he considers possible responses to a situation before opening his mouth. He knows the power of words to hurt or to heal, and chooses to not use hurtful words.  He is cautious, because he knows that how he responds to the situation can either defuse it or ignite it further.

I have to admit that I’m not always wise. Some of that has been because of health issues…and while I’m not trying to use that as an excuse, it is difficult sometimes when you feel terrible or your hormones are all wacked out, to retain a grip on wisdom and prudence.  I look back at some of the things that have made me explode, and really…how ridiculous I was to allow such a little thing have so much control over ME. I am in charge of myself, not some fickle and childish emotion.

And when I see the influence my anger has had on my children, I just want to cry. I know God has forgiven me every time I blow it and repent…but I have a hard time forgiving myself. Especially when little arms have hugged my neck and precious voices say “I ‘give you, Mommy.” They shouldn’t have to say that…but I am glad that God uses even my sin to bring about Christlikeness in my children. They forgive so easily, without even a second thought…they have such sweet and tender hearts.

I long to be that quiet, peaceful, and humble-spirited wife and mother…but it just doesn’t seem to be in me some days. Ok, most days, to be honest.  I know that God created me to be that way, He just has a lot of hard rock to chisel away before it can be revealed, I guess.

Prayer: Father, forgive me again for allowing my emotions to rule my behavior. Help me to be wise and cautious…to always RESPOND instead of REACT to every situation. Help me to be a peacemaker in my home, and to model a quiet spirit.  Show me the root of my anger, and rip it out completely…I don’t want it in me! Help me, today, Lord, to be peaceful and gentle.

SOAP_RING_redo

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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

SOAP Devotion: Psalm 52

gossipping women
Gossip? Really? That is what You want to talk to me about this morning? Surely I’m getting a mixed- up signal here…that can’t be what You want to speak to me about…can it?

So, this time it really was Psalm 52 I was supposed to read. I tried to find a way around it…as I didn’t like this one either. Conviction has a way of making you feel uncomfortable when facing truths about yourself you’d rather not acknowledge. But I am thankful for God’s great mercy that is new this morning, and every morning.

Today’s Reading is Psalm 52

Scripture: Your tongue, as sharp as a razor, plots destruction and works deception. Psalm 52:2

Observation: The tongue, when left to run amok, cuts and destroys…deception is its favored medium.

Application: As I read this passage, my first thought was toward a certain person in my life that has been a thorn in my side for years.  This person has used their razor-sharp tongue to plot destruction and work in deception against me many times. Then I immediately am reminded that when we hear a message and think of someone else first “who really needs to hear it”, we should also examine our own hearts to see if we need to hear it as well.  Have I done the same toward that person? Then I asked the Lord what in the world was He trying to tell me…and I hear that G-word whispered gently into my mind. Gossip. Have I been involved in gossip?

So, what is gossip? If you’re going to avoid something, you need to know what it is. I’m sure just about anyone would recognize that someone coming to you and saying “Did you hear about So-And-So? She…”, especially when that someone didn’t like So-And-So, was bringing some juicy gossip to them. Galilean Pastors has a nice study on gossip here.  Studying Joseph, who rejected the advances of Potiphar’s wife, we can learn a lot about the destructive force of the tongue:

Mrs. Potiphar devised a malicious lie fueled by anger, jealousy, bitterness, and resentment because of rejection.  She didn’t get what she wanted so she made up a lie, spreading it throughout her household servants (gossip) so her lie could be confirmed, even though none were there when it happened, they only had gossip to rely on.  Because of this chain of events Mrs. Potiphar set out to use the most powerful and damaging weapon of all--the tongue--to destroy Joseph's unblemished reputation and character, especially to Potiphar.  As expected, Potiphar became outraged, so much so that he had Joseph, his personal and trusted attendant, thrown in prison.


Joseph’s spotless reputation and character was stolen by gossip (the gossip of Mrs. Potiphar and her servants).  Now, not only were they (Mrs. Potiphar and the other servants) gossips but they were thieves as well.  Joseph had some decisions to make, was he going to be faithful and 
obedient to God or was he going to become angry and vindictive doing the very thing that had been done to him.  Joseph chose obedience in honoring God and, because of that, God’s favor went with Joseph and stayed upon him; even in prison, gaining the favor of the prison warden. (Gen 39:21-23)


When we gossip, or even participate in gossip, we are actively and voluntarily engaging in a destructive purpose, character assassination and theft.  Basically, gossip is a destructive need for personal gratification, making one’s self feel good about one’s self by destroying the character and reputation of another.


You see “misery loves company.”  Some people cannot stand the thought of someone else succeeding, whether spiritually, physically, or financially; so they search for reasons to accuse and discredit the person, ministry, business, etc. to make themselves feel better about who they are.

But can gossip be even just plainly discussing facts about someone else? Facts that are unfavorable, yet still the gospel truth? And not brought up out of a malicious heart and spirit?


Truth that does not need to be said. That is the one that trips me up. I can easily recognize and restrain myself from telling half-truths and outright lies, but many times see no problem with telling something that is the truth. And, let's face it...some people are just a well-spring of unfavorable truth,  thanks to their own choices, but that doesn't mean we need to spread that information around.  It’s been often said “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” and I think that is an apt description of gossip as well. Does what you are telling someone else, even if true, help the other person? Most likely not, if we’re going to be brutally honest about it.

I can honestly say that Psalm 52:2 does not describe me…at least not anymore. I admit to operating in that manner years ago, when I was much younger and immature, both chronologically and spiritually. But I can’t say I never gossip, unfortunately.  The majority of the time it is completely unintentional, it just happens…you don’t even realize what you’re doing until you’re in too deep. But there are occasions where the intent of my heart is not honorable when I talk about someone. Well, to be honest, it’s always that thorn in my side…never my friends…so friends, take heart and know that I’m not gossiping about you!

Even as I write this, I’m thinking I should change the wording in a few areas, so as not to be obvious about whom I am referring to. If you know me, and my life, at all…well, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. But this illustration is not meant at all in that manner…it is a practical illustration of something many people struggle with. We all have people in our lives that are difficult to deal with, it’s how we handle those situations, and the temptation to gossip about them, that either glorifies Christ and brings blessing to those who persecute us or fuels the destructive, raging fire of the tongue…which is truly an unruly evil that can not be tamed. It can only be brought under submission to Christ, and that takes a very concerted and determined effort.

Prayer: Father, forgive me for participating in gossip against those who hurt and persecute me. Help me to recognize gossip for what it is immediately…and give me the grace I need to say “I’m not going to gossip about this person” instead of revealing what I know, even if it is true. Help me to bless those who persecute and spitefully use me and only speak words of life and blessing about everyone. Thank You for forgiving me…thank You that Your mercy is new every morning.


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Monday, June 6, 2011

SOAP Devotion: You Love Me Anyway

love laid down
I’ve had this song in my head for several days now by Sidewalk Prophets. I love this song…(sorry…can’t embed the video, but please click on the title to check it out on youtube…). Not sure how I will fit this in SOAP format, but I’m going to give it a try anyway…


The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly, little lie
It didn’t mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind
Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside
But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known

You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How You love me

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’
kiss
But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh, God… how you love me
You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
You love me, You love me
You love me, You love me
How You love me
How You love me
How You love me

Scripture: “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 38-39

Observation: There is nothing I can do or say that will ever make God not love me…or my enemies…and as a believer, nothing can separate me from God’s love.

ApplicationThis past Saturday as I was out picking up the final few things for James’ graduation open house, this song was going through my head. Of course, I can not usually remember all of the lyrics to a song, just part of them…and those parts go through my head over and over and over…and this time was no exception. All of a sudden, I was just overcome with emotion at this bit of the song:

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’
kiss
But You love me anyway

The realization that I was the thorn in His crown…the sweat that dripped from His brow…the nail in His wrist…and that kiss of betrayal just completely derailed me. Obviously, I wasn’t there to actually slam that crown of thorns into Head or hammer that nail into His wrist…and oh I surely like to think that if I was, I wouldn’t have been one of the people in the crowd demanding His blood be spilled…but it is because of me, because God made provision for my sin long before I, or any of my ancestors, were ever even thought of, that He endured the injustice of the Cross. For me. Simply because He loves me.

Even when I turned my back on Him…He still loved me anyway.

Even when I denied Him…He still loved me anyway.

Even when I did every wicked thing I could, purely for the “fun” of it and to rebel against God and all authority…He still loved me anyway.

Even now, when I am too busy to spend time with Him…He still loves me anyway.

And He still loves the people in my life who are hard to love, who have hurt me, lied to and about me, shamelessly persecuted and used me, and turned those I love against me…He still loves them, and calls me to love them as well.

What form does that kind of love take? Do you become a doormat and let someone walk all over you “in the name of love”? Certainly not. Do you put on a fake smile and engage in polite conversation? I don’t think so…a “fake” smile is not genuine, so how could that be love? Do you keep putting yourself out there, vulnerable, to be burned again and again? I don’t think that’s what God means by loving someone who persecutes and spitefully uses you, either. He says be wise as serpents and gentle as doves.

God is still teaching me about loving my enemies.  He set the greatest example, and on my own I can never follow it. I need His help to even make an attempt at it here on earth. I will fail, most likely, from time to time. It’s a process…one step forward…two steps back…more or less. Right now, love manifests as indifference…but that is still better than returning evil for evil, so there is progress. God’s wisdom tells me that the stove is still hot, don’t touch it again…and I won’t. But should it ever cool and He says “Reach out” again, I have a choice to make…and I hope I can choose to obey.

Prayer: Abba Father…you loved me before I was ever born…You knew how I would betray You…deny You…and set myself against You, and yet Your love for me never faltered. You also knew how my enemies would hurt me and persecute me, and yet You still love them as well. You know I desire to be obedient…to walk in the Way of Your precious Son…and You know I am weak. Please help me to love those who are hard to love, even the ones who have hurt me. Give me wisdom to know how to show Your love to them. Forgive me for the times that I have not walked in love and have been just as unlovable as my enemies. Thank You for loving me no matter what…even in my most unlovable moments…

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Monday, March 28, 2011

[Pt 2] K12FreeHomeSchool and Mimi Rothschild: My Own Experience

In my eagerness to present a true account of my experience with K12FREEHOMESCHOOL and Mimi Rothschild, I did not count the cost in how I presented my story. I'm afraid that it's possible that the manner in which I structured my posts was not as helpful as I'd hoped. I in no way wanted to hinder or harm Mrs. Rothschild or her business. I did not consider that perhaps people would not read all three posts to get the "whole picture" and only focus on the less than flattering aspects of my experience. In an effort to present the whole story and not provide opportunity for others to link to only the bad parts of my experience, I have consolidated this three-part series into one. You can read it here...I've provided a summary of my experience and then the original, unaltered posts follow. 

Friday, March 25, 2011

[Pt 1] K12FreeHomeSchool and Mimi Rothschild: My Own Experience

In my eagerness to present a true account of my experience with K12FREEHOMESCHOOL and Mimi Rothschild, I did not count the cost in how I presented my story. I'm afraid that it's possible that the manner in which I structured my posts was not as helpful as I'd hoped. I in no way wanted to hinder or harm Mrs. Rothschild or her business. I did not consider that perhaps people would not read all three posts to get the "whole picture" and only focus on the less than flattering aspects of my experience. In an effort to present the whole story and not provide opportunity for others to link to only the bad parts of my experience, I have consolidated this three-part series into one. You can read it here...I've provided a summary of my experience and then the original, unaltered posts follow. 

Thursday, March 24, 2011

How I Experience You…

Have you ever had a friend ask you a question that was hard to answer? I was asked this question by another dear friend who has moved far away to the other side of the country almost, and another in our little group asked it as well. It's How Do You Experience Me? I haven't been brave enough to ask it yet, but my friend Heather said post this answer to her question on my blog, so I am. Hhhhmmm...should I ask you to leave a comment about how you experience me? I think that sounds dangerous, so I won't...LOL!

Good thing you are sitting down you know…or you’d probably fall right off your chair, wouldn’t you? I’m sure you gave up on ever getting a response from me…you probably thought I forgot. Couldn’t blame you…I do forget things a little too often.

Maybe you thought I was avoiding the question all together. No, not really. Maybe a little, because that’s one of those Real Questions and I’m not always real good at real stuff. I’m usually so concerned about what someone else will think that I can’t always be as real as I want to.

Well, when you were in Arizona…in the overly sunny land of people with common sense about time…and you said when you got back we would have to blog together since I’d have my Little Blue Friend, I decided right then that the first thing I would whip up would be the answer to your question. Isn’t that clever?

So, now that your cardiac issues have been resolved, be sure to fasten your seatbelt, put your chair back into an upright position and hold on, because I’m Going To Be Real:


….da da da da da da da…da da da da DA da da da da…

…boy I sure want more iced tea but that line is terribly long…

Wait…you want Real, not Stream of Consciousness, right? Ok…

You’ve said to me before that you don’t think you’re a good friend. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that’s pretty much a bunch of crap. You are a great friend! Yes, you have things about you that aren’t ideal, but then who doesn’t? I know you could rattle off a few about me, surely!  (But wait until I ask you…)
You are…
  • giving
  • honest
  • loyal
  • dependable
  • hysterical
  • inspiring
  • encouraging
  • fascinating
Good friends give…they give their time, opinions, shoulders for crying upon, advice, things they have that their friends need without keeping score. They are honest and tell you things you need to hear, even when you don’t want to hear it. They got your back, and you know that no matter what they are there for you. And if someone attacks you, they are there to defend your honor. They make you laugh so hard you’re likely to pee your pants and they inspire you by how they live – taking on challenges other people wouldn’t touch, making the ordinary seem extraordinary and igniting a desire to learn and achieve in others. They encourage you  when the world has beaten the crap out of you and all you want to do is crawl into a hole where nothing exists and no one knows you're there, so you can fade away into nothingness. They remind you of what is important in your life and why you need to be present…that others are counting on you, like your family and your friends. They are fascinating, because while they share the same interests with you, they also have interests of their own and love to share them and teach you if you’re interested. And they always seem to have something interesting hidden away somewhere inside…there is always treasure to seek out within them.

Yes, that They I’m referring to is you. Just realized I should have been saying ‘you’ LOL…well, I finally got on a roll…you know how that is. But anyway, that’s the good I see and experience of you. You are honestly one of the most interesting friends I’ve ever had. I don’t mean that in a But She Has A Nice Personality kind of way, you surprise me often, and I love that! You’ve had some crazy adventures  and I love hearing about them! And even though you sometimes sell yourself short, you are someone I look up to and admire, and would like to be more like.

Now, with that being said, the other side of the Heather Harris Experience (just thought of Jimi Hendrix there….LOL) is that sometimes you can be very abrupt…sometimes your honesty is brutal (but then sometimes brutal honesty is necessary), and sometimes, I just don’t know how to take you because I haven’t yet deciphered your particular brand of sarcasm…those little nuances that are unique to you that take time to pick up on. 

But Heather, what all this boils down to is that I just love you to pieces…even if I don’t always ‘get’ you…because you ‘get’ me. I can talk about things with you that I can’t talk about with, say, Someone Else, because you know exactly what I’m talking about and where I’m coming from…and you wouldn’t write me off as heading to hell in a handbasket because I Went There...(sorry folks, location joke (; )

There is so much good in you that I am willing to take the bad right along with it. I understand why you are the way you are sometimes, other times I don’t…but that doesn’t matter to me, I know it’s something I’ll learn in time. You are a worthwhile investment of my time, my energy, my resources, and my heart and I am so very, very grateful that God brought us together. 

This concludes the trip on the Real Express. Please wait until the ride has come to a complete stop before unfastening your seat belt and moving around the cabin. We hope you’ve enjoyed your experience with us and that you’ll travel Real Express again soon. Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Real Express.
Ok, that was kind of dumb…but thanks for asking me this question…a million apologies for taking so long to get this done…and I hope that this answers the question satisfactorily.

Love you always,

Dawn <3

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Daylight Slaving Time: It’s All About the Money

TN_cr_man_clockAIt's that time of year again...time for my semi-annual Rant and Rave about DST, or as I so affectionately call it, Dumb Stupid Time. This year, I decided to do a little research on the origins and effects of this asinine practice. I learned a few things and was surprised by some others. Read on, then share your opinion on DST by leaving a comment below.

Growing up in Indiana, we never participated in DST (at least not in my lifetime). It still affected every day life, however. The TV shows you were used to were on at a different time. If you went to Michigan in the summer, you had to remember they were an hour ahead…at least, if you had to be somewhere at a specific time.

It was commonly accepted that the reason for DST was because the farmers needed more daylight to get the harvest in and that Benjamin Franklin was the genius who started it. Looking into the matter, I discovered that what I’d always believed about DST was completely wrong.

A Bit of History

Ancient civilizations adjusted their daily schedules along with the sun, but with more flexibility than DST affords. Daylight was divided into twelve hours regardless of the length of the day, so each daylight hour was longer in the summer. Roman water clocks had different scales for different months of the year.
Benjamin Franklin did not start DST at all. He “anonymously published a letter suggesting that Parisians economize on candles by rising earlier to use morning sunlight. This 1784 satire proposed taxing shutters, rationing candles, and waking the public by ringing church bells and firing cannons at sunrise.” It wasn’t too popular back then, either.

Modern DST was first proposed in 1895 when George Vernon Hudson, a New Zealand entomologist, presented a paper to the Wellington Philosophical Society proposing a two hour daylight saving shift and again in 1898 after much interest was expressed. Apparently, we can thank his leisure time activities of collecting bugs, which made him appreciate the value of after-hours daylight. Great, I have to lose an hour of sleep because of a bug collector. That really bugs me.

Many people erroneously credit William Willet, who was an English builder, for coming up with the idea for DST. He did independently come up with that crazy idea, but not until 1905. He published his proposal to bump the clocks ahead in the summertime two years later, which was taken up by LIBERAL member of Parliament, Robert Pearce and who introduced the first DST bill to the House of Commons in 1908. It did not become law, and several other similar bills failed in the years to come, but Willet lobbied for DST until his death in 1915.

In 1916, Germany first began to implement DST to conserve coal during the war. Many other European nations hopped on the DST bandwagon soon after, with Russia adopting it in 1917 and the United States in 1918. Congress repealed DST in 1919, but it was observed again during WWII, again to save energy.
Even after the war, farmers still did not like DST because it actually adversely affects farming - “grain harvesting is best done after dew evaporates, so when field hands arrive and leave earlier in summer their labor is less valuable.” Minnesota farmers complained in 1959 that they can’t get into the fields any earlier than when standard time is observed because the morning sun does not dry the dew under DST (Minneapolis Star, Jan 28, 1959.)

Between WWII and 1966, when the federal Uniform Time Act became law, observance of DST was left up to states and localities.  Of course, this created a confusing “patchwork” of times, hence the passing of the UTA. States that wished to be exempt from observing DST could do so by passing a state law.

But It’s the Green Way to Keep Time, Right?

There are a lot of claims to “energy savings” during DST, but does the research actually back it up? Let’s take a look…
  • In 1975, a DOT study concluded that an energy savings of 1% was likely. A review of the study by the NBS in 1976 showed no significant changes.
  • A 2006-07 Western Australia study showed an over all increase in energy consumption of .06% – DST caused an increase of energy consumption in the hotter days and a decrease in the cooler days.
  • (Here’s my favorite…) “A 2008 study examined billing data in Indiana before and after it adopted DST in 2006, and concluded that DST increased overall residential electricity consumption by 1% to 4%, due mostly to extra afternoon cooling and extra morning heating; the main increases came in the fall. The overall annual cost of DST to Indiana households was estimated to be $9 million, with an additional $1.7–5.5 million for social costs due to increased pollution.” Terrific job, Mitch…thanks a lot…

And what about the brilliant idea in 2007 of extending DST another four to five weeks, moving the start of DST up two weeks? A California study in 2007 showed little or no effect. In fact, while the DOE concluded in 2008 that there was an energy savings of .5%, that was ONLY for the electricity used during the extended period, not the entire eight months of DST and did not include a study of the use of heating fuels. AND, while proponents claimed that the move would save the equivalent of 10,000 barrels of oil per day, that was based on information from the 70’s – the DOE no longer stands by the accuracy or relevance of that information.

It’s Dumb, It’s Stupid, and It’s Bad for Your Health and Safety

I was surprised to find that there isn’t necessarily an increase in traffic fatalities and traffic-pedestrian fatalities, but rather evidence suggests a decrease. North America and the UK show a correlation between clock-changing and traffic accidents, but Finland and Sweden do not. However, as far as personal safety on the job and health effects, these facts are not surprising:
  • A 2009 U.S. study found that on Mondays after the switch to DST, workers sleep an average of 40 minutes less, and are injured at work more often and more severely.
  • Changing clocks disrupts sleep and reduces its efficiency
  • Male suicide rates rise after “falling forward”
  • The effects of messing with the Circadian Rhythm can be severe and last for weeks (and I can vouch for MONTHS)
In 2005 the government of Kazakhstan abolished DST because of health complications attributed to DST!
From the time we “spring forward” until a few days after “falling back” to normal time again, I spend my days in a foggy stupor. I am tired and dragging all summer long, when I should be out enjoying the nice weather and all that lovely, cancer-causing daylight. I just want to hibernate all summer long. I have recently developed some health issues, and while I can’t completely blame DST for them, I am certain that it exacerbated them.

Do You Want Fries With That DST?

No discussion of government antics would be complete without a look at the bottom line, and who benefits most from a healthy one.

In the mid 80’s, Clorox and 7-11 provided the primary funding for the Daylight Saving Time Coalition’s push for the  extension of DST in 1987. Both Idaho senators voted for it, based on the premise that fast-food restaurants sell more fries during DST! And what do they grow in abundance in Idaho? Why, potatoes, of course!

In 2005, the Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association and the National Association of Convenience Stores successfully lobbied for the 2007 extension to U.S. DST. Of course, with more daylight hours we’ll have more time for sports…which requires equipment…and apparently a stop at 7-11 for some slurpees afterward. I couldn’t find any mention of Big Pharma, but I’m sure there’s no objection on their part to the prescriptions for sleeping pills so we can get to sleep when it’s still broad daylight out…or the antidepressants because we’re sleep-deprived and slightly mentally unstable…

More Government Control, Please, We Certainly Don’t Have Enough

Of course, the argument can be made that it’s just one more way for the government, which our founding fathers intended not to be the out-of-control monstrosity that it is today, to tell us how to live, how to think and what to do.

I came across a comment on Facebook today that made me look at Dumb Stupid Time in a whole new light:
Evelina Marie EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I dislike time change so much. *sigh* I lived in Japan for nearly 20 years and was so spoiled without the time change. I can't get use to it after 15 years. It is like a mass, government ordered jet lag. I'll feel so out of sync with the rest of the world till we go back to normal time. : (            (emphasis mine)

I suppose it’s rather convenient for Them that the sheeple are tired, disoriented, confused and distracted. It makes it a lot easier to stick it to us when we’re not paying attention to the shenanigans in the White House…yep, Dumb Stupid Time is a conspiracy…a nefarious plot to destroy our great nation…can’t say that I’m surprised really. I knew that there was more than one reason I despised, loathed, detested and abhorred it. Between the advertising industry and Big Brother, They’ve found a great way to keep us all in line. But not me…nooooooo way…I will NOT conform…

…in fact, I’m going to buy myself a special watch to wear just during Dumb Stupid Time, so I’ll never have to change a clock. I grudgingly change my watch after several days, since the DST-induced stupor I’m in makes it difficult to figure out what time it is…and what time zone, for that matter. Since I refuse to do it, my husband changes all the clocks. You know, I’m starting to question who’s side he’s really on…

many thanks to Wikipedia for the exhaustive study of the history of DST: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daylight_saving_time and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_time_in_the_United_States

Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Emptying Nest

empty nest I feel funny writing something “empty nest” related. I mean, I’m not even 40 yet and our youngest just turned three. But, as it often is with blended families, we have the whole gamut here in age ranges: 20, 18, 16, 10 and 3.

We’ve had our share of difficulties over the years, some unbelievably hard…the kind that can kill a marriage and rip a family apart. But, by the grace and faithfulness of God we weathered each storm that came our way…unfortunately, not completely intact but still, not completely destroyed either. There is still hope.

Now we are entering into what will be a very long season of nest-emptying. The oldest is moving out by the end of the month. I wish that it was happening under better circumstances, but choices were made and consequences followed as is the way of things. The next oldest, although he doesn’t live with us, is leaving for Marine boot camp (HOO-RAH!!) in September…and going all the way to the other side of the world in California.

All these birdies flying the nest cause me to become quite introspective. As most parents do, I have many regrets. All of our good intentions didn’t always turn out the way we intended. And some of the issues we had to deal with along the way made it excruciatingly difficult to be the parents these fine young men needed. Now, they are about to enter the big, bad world on their own.

They will make their own choices…how much that reflects on us and our parenting skills is not quite clear for me. On one hand, we, as parents, have had set before us the task of teaching them right from wrong and to model how to be a responsible and productive citizen. We should teach them to be compassionate and care for others, to be good stewards of God’s creation, and to have impeccable integrity. When we succeed in those areas, they can learn well…and when we fail in those areas, they learn as well.

Then we have the other hand…

They will make their own choices

And, chances are, at least some of those choices would not be ones we would make. Or possibly choices anyone should make. These young men are perfectly capable of making good choices and being responsible. Whether or not they do is up to them. It’s hard to let go and let them be themselves.

I am fully prepared to be proud of their successes. That part is very easy. But how will I react…or respond, rather, when they fail? I don’t want to sound like I expect them to fail…it’s just a fact of life that people in general make mistakes and fail at things. And when you’re a young adult out on your own for the first time, the world can be a minefield of potential mistakes. How do we respond when they step on one of those and - God forbid – get hurt?

Natural Consequences are wonderful teachers. They do a better job of teaching than Advice From Parents. I don’t know why I get so irritated when the 20 year old asks for advice then does the complete opposite. But then, the nurturing part of a parent’s heart doesn’t want to see their children get hurt and wants to swoop in and rescue them when they do. It’s so fine, that line between helping and enabling!

Really, the best advice I can  think of is to remember that God is in control all the time. And when His children, which is exactly who our children are, mess up, He is there to gently correct and guide and to bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted. My job as parent will move from taking care of the immediate here-and-now needs…the never-ending need for food and shelter and clean underwear and food (did I mention BOY at all?) to a 24/7 need for prayer and support. The trick is knowing how support without hindering or enabling. For that, prayer is also quite handy…as long as I listen to what God is saying…

And so…while I would be fibbing if I didn’t admit that I’m looking forward to Number One moving out, since we don’t exactly get along famously, still, there is a sense of unease and a sudden desire to protect him building within me. Regardless of our differences and the list of things that annoy us about each other, he is still my family. I still want to see him succeed. I still want the best for him. And I am still grieved by the circumstances that have launched his foray into the big, bad world.

Number Two won’t be leaving for several months yet, and we still have his high school graduation to look forward to, his open house to plan, and a summer to spend with him yet…unless, of course, he is too busy working. But, at least he’ll be around and we can see him more easily than when he’s a zillion miles away in California.

My mind, which contains the vapors of mistakes made mere years ago, takes those memories of failures and hairs-of-chinny-chin-chins and weaves them into what could become in the months and years ahead for these boys. I don’t want them to repeat my own mistakes, or the mistakes of their parents…but I can’t control them and micromanage their lives. They alone must responsibly use and manage the freedom that adulthood brings.

So, for now, I will plan on spending more time in prayer for these young men. And start making plans on what to do with Number One’s room when he moves out…

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What Did You Just Ask Me?

Haven't blogged for a while...the days have been quite ordinary lately. Then one day you get up and everything's like the day before and the day before that and the day before the day before that...until...

In all fairness, my stepson did mention earlier today that he wanted to talk to his father and I after dad got home from work, so I knew something was coming. I really hate it when people say "I want to talk to you later" and then leave you hanging. Opens the door to all kinds of worries and imaginary crises...unless, of course, you're one of those eternally optimistic people who probably imagine winning the lottery, an end to war, a cure for cancer, or even a truly bi-partisan government who can put aside petty differences in order to make wise, fiscally sound decisions that will make all of America happy and blissful once again. But, I digress...

Even with the warning of some impending information that may or may not be good, I was completely shocked. Totally and completely shocked. Still am, really.

So what was this thing he needed to discuss with us? Apparently his mother wanted to come and visit him and his brothers and needed a place to stay...so could she stay in our spare bedroom for just one night?

Really. He actually asked us that. I'm not making this up just to create a sensational blog entry. He actually asked if my husband's ex could spend the night in our home. As if.

My husband was quite to the point: "No." and he walked back down into the basement, where he and the landlord were working on fixing the contraption in the basement ironically called a "furnace."

Thanks.  That left me there...stuck as I was because I was cleaning out our refrigerator, which had taken on a rather disgusting funk that could not be precisely pinned down without removing all of the contents and giving each one the Sniff Test. Loads of fun, really.

Number One really couldn't see what the big deal was. I tried to explain that it was completely inappropriate for an ex-spouse to spend the night in the home of her former and very happily remarried spouse.  Especially when the three of us really don't like each other all that much.  Even if we all had a "normal" (or maybe getting along and being friends isn't normal, I don't know...I do know the the dynamics here are strained and strange) kind of divorce relationship, it would still be completely inappropriate.

I suppose I should mention here that Number One is 20 years old. Legally an adult, yet still quite naïve to the complex issues that plague adults...especially when it comes to divorce etiquette.

Then, to make the Shock and Awe campaign complete, he asks if she could stay in the old building on our town lot referred to as a "barn." It really is a barn, as our century-plus home once sat out in the country.  It probably had animals in it at one time...now it's more of a storage area for I'm not even sure what...it doesn't belong to us, I don't ask questions. Or go in there much.

I said, "Are you kidding?"


Apparently not...he had actually thought this out. The plan included something about him pulling his car in there and she could sleep in his car.  In case you are reading this from a nice, warm climate...let me assure you it's quite chilly here in Northern Indiana...in January. I think this would be referred to as "grasping at straws." Although no straws were being extended, believe you me.

I was then informed that we "suck" as he stormed out of the house. Guess we're doing something right if he still disagrees with our decisions...(thanks, Sissy! <3 ya!)

It was truly heartbreaking, once you got past the audaciousness of the whole thing, to witness this young man's desperation to make this trip, which seems to hinge on whether or not his mom can find somewhere to stay, possible. It's been a while since he's seen her. I get that, I really do.  I'm sure right now he, and everyone he tells this story to, thinks we are cold, callous and heartless.  Some day, and I don't hope this for him at all, if he is divorced and remarried, he'll understand where we are coming from. Or at least will have the opportunity to understand.

And honestly, it's very unfortunate that his mother is in this position...however, it is not our responsibility to provide lodging for her. She's an adult, and while asking someone if she can stay with them while she is in town is not unreasonable, asking her remarried ex if she can stay at his place is completely and utterly outrageous.  I certainly hope this was Number One's harebrained idea and not hers. I'm just not sure what I'd have to say about it if she was the one who talked him into asking us that. 

But...I guess I have to give him credit for having the guts to ask it. And for not telling me I'm going to be a grandma. Big kudos for that. Big BIG kudos for that...

I do hope she can find suitable accommodations and that her and the boys can have a wonderful, healing and blessed visit together.  They all really need that. But it won't be happening here. And don't try to make me feel guilty by saying we should extend Christian charity to those in need...Jesus said pray for people and do good, turn the other cheek, etc. but he did not say anything about being a doormat. He wasn't a doormat when he tossed the money changers out of the temple. Jesus is kind and gentle and loving, but he does not "enable" people! 

So, it will be very interesting to see how this all unfolds. I really do hope the visit will work out for them. And I hope for the sake of sanity, peace, and all that is holy and good she plans on not stopping by any time soon. That's just where I am at the moment. God is working on that...I suppose all of this is part of His plan to work that "stuff" out of my heart. But really, God...seriously? Surely You jest...I know all about Your sense of humor...


Lord, please help this mother and her sons to be able to visit together. Bless her with a beautiful and relaxing place to stay in an environment full of your grace, presence and love. And please help Number One to understand why we just can't let her stay here...

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