Spring Brings Out the Zombie in Me

Not one for extreme temperatures, I’ve always preferred the milder climes of Spring and Fall. In fact, it’s always been difficult for me to choose one over the other, they both have had their attractive qualities. After a long, gloomy winter, the flowers and foliage of Spring are a welcome sight. And, after a long, scorching Summer, the crisp air of Autumn is definitely a relief.

No longer am I indecisive, however. I officially dread Spring now, thanks to my arch nemesis, Dumb Stupid Time.

The sun is shining. The birds are tweeting. Flowers are blooming. The temperatures are climbing. Enjoyable to most people, yes.

But, I am not, nor have I ever been “most people.” According to my husband, I am a vampire…evidenced  by my aversion to the sun and night-owlishness. God made me with fair skin that practically bursts into flames in the sun, how is that my fault? I also have an internal thermostat that completely quits working above around 78 degrees, particularly when sun is involved – once I get hot, it takes forever to cool down, and I am very uncomfortable when I’m hot. He also apparently made me to function better in the wee hours of the night, because that is when I feel most sentient.

Not very convenient when one has a family. Especially a family that is nothing like me. They don’t understand my hatred of Dumb Stupid Time. Or my abhorrence of the sun. Or that I just can’t seem to “adjust” to the time change.

And, it's very hard to enjoy warmer weather, pretty flowers and sparkly sunshine when one feels like a zombie all day...only to wake up at bed time. Thankfully, I have my buddy melatonin to help me get to sleep. Otherwise, I'd still be tossing and turning every night with only a dim hope of restful sleep.  If you are not affected by the time change in this way, (and apparently, I am the only person in the world who is, according to lovers of DST) then be thankful, because it really bites.

My friends say I’m too negative. And indecisive. So, here is something positive AND a decision: I’ve made up my mind about which season I like better…so, with a return to NORMAL time-keeping, less intense sun, the delightfully crisp quality to the air, upon which wafts the autumnal aromas of leaves and wood stoves outside, and the comforting scents of baking breads and things sweet and appley and cinnamony inside, Fall wins, hands down. Followed by Winter, where I can once again snuggle up in warm flannel sheeties and piles of blankets in which to drift off to sleep.

Spring, the harbinger of nonsensical time-keeping and months of zombie-brain…and Summer, whose only redeeming quality is fresh produce (thanks to that scorching, cancer-causing sunshine), are tied for the bottom of the list. I see no need to differentiate between the two, unless the next governor of our once fine state has the sense to repeal DST. In that case, though, I will once again be indecisive between Spring and Fall!

But, I’ll take that…and feeling normal…over the swampy, bleary-headed existence I currently spend most of the year trudging through any day.

So, now I am trying to think of ways to simplify my Dumb Stupid Time days. Which I probably should do anyway, I'm sure. But that requires some kind of ability to think ahead and to plan, to make decisions...definitely not something easy to do right now. Maybe once my head clears and I recover from the ravages of DST (in the sweet, crispy Autumn), I can actually do just that. Then I'll be better prepared for next year's Zombie Season. 

Only 231 more days...

DST 2012…It’s All in My Head? Yep, Apparently

My hatred of Dumb Stupid Time is rooted
deeply in my brain

I’m a little slow in posting my annual I-Hate-Dumb-Stupid-Time-and-Mitch-Daniels blog post. You can thank Dumb Stupid Time for that. I could barely function yesterday since we all, like well-programmed robots, dutifully moved our clocks forward one hour in an inane effort to “save daylight.” Well, I didn’t. I haven’t changed a clock since we were forced to start doing it here in Indiana in 2006. I refuse to do it. I pack my Normal Time watch away and go watch-less so I don’t have to change a clock. My husband does the dirty deed here. It’s my only recourse against this ridiculous scheme. Well, the only one socially and legally acceptable anyway. And, since I love my family and have no desire to do any time in prison, I keep my other countermeasures safely locked in isolation in the deep, dark recesses of my mind. The part that is particularly affected by Dumb Stupid Time.

Many people are aware of my hatred of DST. In case you haven’t heard my ranting and raving before, let me highlight the reasons why I despise it:

1. It’s just plain stupid. You have the same amount of daylight no matter what your clock says. You don’t “save” any. You don’t get “more.” I love this picture floating around the internet, it says it very, very  well.
   
   
2. It was forced upon the citizens of Indiana by an egomaniacal bully of a governor – Mitch Daniels. I voted the man into office the first time, and I sincerely regret it. “In his Jan. 18 State of the State Address, Gov. Daniels called the state's "quirky treatment of time itself" a handicap to Indiana businesses.” Isn’t it far more “quirky” to think we can actually change time? Isn’t it more natural to just let time be time? He also claimed the problem was that no one knew what time it was in Indiana. I’m sorry, but if Indiana never changes, then it is constant. And if you can’t figure out a constant, I don’t think the problem is with the constant…it’s with the people who aren’t intelligent enough to figure out something that never changes. And, speaking of businesses…where are all those businesses that were supposed to flood the state because they finally understood what time it was in Indiana? This probably had more to do with lining someone’s pockets than anything else. That and making sure that everyone knew what a big, powerful man Mitch Daniels is.
   
   
3. It doesn’t save energy. I don’t know about you, but our utility bills have gotten bigger and bigger every year. We’ve lived in the same house for the last four and a half years, and there is no “energy savings” that I can see.  I finally found the study that shows the move to DST actually costs the state of Indiana…more specifically the voters and taxpayers of Indiana, $9 million more! The study was done in 2008, so you know it’s costing us more than that now. Interestingly, Japan doesn’t do DST…and they’re supposed to be so much more advanced than us. Hmmm. I’d definitely say they are more intelligent.
   
   
4. Lastly, but most importantly, is that it makes me feel like crap for TWO THIRDS of the year. It’s getting worse and worse every year. I am not “adjusting” to it.  Monday, the day after the dumb time change, I felt tired, crabby, dizzy and hung over all day. I stayed in my pajamas and napped whenever I could. I went to bed at what my body knew to be 9:00 pm and slept fitfully…waking at least six times throughout the night. I feel like I could bite the heads off some small, furry woodland creatures today. It’s now, according to the clock, 11:07 am. I am not any more motivated to remove myself from my pajamas today than I was yesterday. I will spend the next [244 days,12 hours, 50 minutes and 8 seconds…] still feeling tired, crabby and generally “off kilter.” Many of the people who hear me complaining about Dumb Stupid Time undoubtedly think that it’s just “all in my head”. Turns out they are right…to a degree.

Our natural Circadian rhythms are regulated by the SCN. The suprachiasmatic nucleus or nuclei, abbreviated SCN, is a tiny region on the brain's midline, situated directly above the optic chiasm. It is responsible for controlling circadian rhythms. The neuronal and hormonal activities it generates regulate many different body functions in a 24-hour cycle, using around 20,000 neurons. [Source: Wikipedia]Some of those body functions include mood regulation. DST can be very bad for bi-polar people. Isn’t it interesting that it’s located right above our optic chiasm? This means that it takes its cues from the light or darkness in our environment. So, messing with the clocks messes with the natural order of things. How typically human.

It is also typically human to assume that a small change in something won’t really affect anything else. Or, just because it doesn't bother YOU, then no one else must be affected by it either. You know, just a small tax increase here and an a few pennies’ tax added on there won’t affect anyone really. You won’t even notice it. But the broader picture shows that slapping a few pennies’ tax on a few billion people equates to a whole lotta change. And while it may not affect YOU personally, some group, government entity or politician somewhere is going to benefit greatly from that little bit of change squeezed out of your pocket.

It’s also very interesting that there really haven’t been a whole lot of studies done on the effects of forcing people to follow a day that is completely unnatural.  However, there are a few intelligent, non-ostrich type people who seem to think more studies are needed to assess the long-term impact of forcing people to follow Dumb Stupid Time. Given the social deterioration in our country over many decades, I think it’s worth a look to see if there is any connection. Believe me, it is a very tenuous thread that connects me to sanity right now.

Despite the fact that approximately 1.6 billion people experience DST, he [Till Roenneberg of Ludwig-Maximilian-University in Munich, Germany] continued, few studies have investigated its impact on human physiology and behavior. The results of the few, relatively small studies that have addressed the question have generally suggested that sleeping patterns adjust within days.

In a large survey, which examined the sleep patterns of 55,000 people in Central Europe, Roenneberg's group now shows that the timing of sleep on free days follows the seasonal progression of dawn under standard time, but not under DST.

In a second study, they analyzed the timing of sleep and activity for eight weeks around each of the two DST transitions in 50 people, taking into account each individual's natural clock preferences, or "chronotypes," ranging from morning larks to night owls. They found that the timing of both sleep and peak activity levels readily adjust to the release from DST in autumn, but that the timing of activity does not adjust to the start of DST in spring, especially in those who like to stay up late and sleep in.

"While we generally think that the time changes enforced by the DST transitions are 'only an hour,' they have far more drastic effects if viewed in the context of the circadian clock's seasonal changes," Roenneberg said. "This seemingly small hour translates to a repeat of 10 weeks in the annual progression of the relationship between our sleep-wake cycle and dawn--four weeks in spring and six weeks in autumn. In effect, it's as if the entire population of Germany, for example, is transported to Morocco in spring and back again in autumn."

Indeed, "after taking the seasonal adjustment into account, our results show that the human circadian clock does not adjust to the DST transition," Roenneberg said. "This is especially obvious in the late chronotypes in spring when one looks at their daily activity patterns. Essentially, their biological timing stays on standard, winter time, while they have to adjust their social schedules to the advanced clock time throughout the summer."

*Reference:  Kantermann et al.: "The Human Circadian Clock's Seasonal Adjustment Is Disrupted by Daylight Saving Time." Publishing in Current Biology 17, 1--5, November 20, 2007. DOI 10.1016/j.cub.2007.10.025

The researchers include Thomas Kantermann and MyriamJuda of Ludwig-Maximilian-University in Munich; Martha Merrow of University of Groningen in Haren; and Till Roenneberg of Ludwig-Maximilian-University in Munich.
[Source: Science Daily]

All the underlining and red font color above is my doing. Finally, proof that it’s not really all in my head. You see, I’m a night owl. I’ve had to pretend not to be since having children, and it’s very, very, very hard. I hate getting up early in the morning. I want to wake up with the sun, not in the dark…although I do love the quiet before the kids are up, the quiet in the deep, dark hours of the night is what I crave.

So, all my crabby, groggy, hung-over-ness is not because I’ve talked myself into it, it’s because it is COMPLETELY UNNATURAL TO MOVE THE CLOCK FORWARD IN THE SPRING AND MY BODY DOES NOT ADJUST TO IT. If your body does, then good for you. Mine, however, does not. And I will never like Dumb Stupid Time because (see the list of reasons above, if you missed them) it completely goes against my nature.

So, yes, you are right…it IS all in my head…just not the way you think.

No Longer a Rebel Without a Cause

I'll do what I want, thank you very much

I’ve been a rebel as long as I can remember. In my younger days, rebelling against the status quo, against being “good”, against any kind of authority. And, in particular, against anything having to do with God. Sin was something to be proud of, not avoid. And I didn’t avoid much sin, truth be told. I realized today that God still uses rebellion to bring Him glory and to accomplish His purposes and plans on this earth, if you can believe that.

Eleven years ago, God used my tiny baby daughter to turn me back to Him. It wasn’t a Damascus Road conversion, more like turning a small ocean liner around really. It’s taken a while. But, it started with the realization that God loves me, no matter what.

And yet, I’m still a rebel.

If Main Stream Society does it, I probably don’t.  I do things like  drink raw milk and question the FDA and the Food Pyramid. I’m against vaccination. I homeschool. I believe many conspiracy theories are true, or at least contain more truth than fiction. And I don’t believe for a minute that the government really has my best interest at heart…or anyone’s for that matter. Well, aside from greedy, power-mad politicians anyway. I know there’s a few people in government who are truly good, patriotic people and are fighting against a corrupt system. But for the most part, there’s no difference between Republican and Democrat. There really is only a one-party system in America – the Politician Party.

I used to rebel just for the sake of rebelling. I lived for Sticking It To The Man. But, that really isn’t much of a cause. It’s selfish and immature. It’s based on emotional reactions. So, when I realized recently that I am still very much a rebel at heart, that concerned me. God doesn’t want us to rebel…he kicked Lucifer out of Heaven for rebelling, and a whole slew of angels for joining in with him.

In the last year or so, I have been walking through a sort of “crisis of faith”. I don’t doubt the basic principles of my faith – I still believe that The One God created the universe in six days, the Bible is His Word, and He sent His Son to die for my sin. One day I realized that I felt that God was asking me to put everything I’ve ever believed on the altar, so to speak. Or the chopping block, if that analogy works better for you. That was a scary thought, but I eventually realized that all I had to lose were things that weren’t true to begin with. And all I really cared about was Truth. So, I said “Ok God…I’ll do it. Here You go. Burn away all that is not Your Truth” and then waited for some awesome revelation.

And…I got >>crickets<<

That was disappointing, to say the least. But, God works in His own way, and on His own timetable. I kind of shelved the whole thing, and honestly, didn’t think much about anything spiritual. It was kind of nice, if I must say, to just not think about spiritual things for a while. I’ve had so many questions…so many things that just didn’t seem to add up or connect, and I could not reconcile them without concluding that the Christian faith was wrong, or at the very least, just another possibility to explain the world and life. Maybe all roads did lead to the same place.

Yet, I knew in my spirit that the basic tenets of my belief system were right. So, why were there so many things that seem to be contradictory? Why did the pieces not fit together nicely? Somehow, I came to see that my understanding of Scripture was very fragmented, disjointed, piecemeal. And trying to connect it all together was like trying to do a dot-to-dot puzzle where the dots were labeled 1 and 4, a and z, carrot and zucchini. Some of the dots could be connected because there were related to each other…numbers to numbers, vegetables to vegetables, but you couldn’t connect them all together to form a cohesive picture. Something was missing.

Whatever sparked that realization of my understanding of Scripture renewed my interest in the Quest for Truth. I realized that I could not possibly hope to understand the New Testament if I did not first understand the Old. And so, I started in the beginning. Genesis 1:1. But, I only got through four chapters before I was taken on a side trip. And it was there that I received the Awesome Revelation I’d been waiting for. I was on Damascus Road and didn’t even realize it.

I will go into it more in future posts…this one is getting long enough as it is. But, it suffices to say that as I journeyed down this side path, I could feel the veil being lifted from my eyes. Understanding began to explode – not only in my mind but in my spirit as well. I finally “got it.” I could see The Big Picture…because I understood what had been missing from my understanding of Scripture. It doesn’t change what I fundamentally believe…in fact, I have experienced a love for God in the last few weeks that is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I used to question whether I even truly loved God…but now, there is no doubt in my mind…or heart…or spirit…that I do. And I know He loves me back.

But, I’m still a rebel. 

I’ve purposed in my heart to walk down a path that is narrow. And not crowded in the least…in fact, it can be lonely at times. But when one does find fellowship with others on this path, it can be truly sweet and precious. And this time, I believe God is happy with my rebellion...because I’m not rebelling against Him.

Facing the Book

If there was a 12-Step Program for Facebook addiction, I probably might have found myself in a meeting some night.

Hello, my name is Dawn. I’m a Facebookie. I’ve been on FB now for two years. At first, it was great…it was new, exciting, lots of fun…but then after a while, it started to take over my life…

I would look out at the rows of cold, flesh-colored folding chairs filled with others who struggle with this addiction and be met with knowing glances, slight nods, maybe even that far-off look one gets when reminiscing on something Back In The Day.

…I started finding myself on FB in the strangest of places, like the shower (I just had to reply to something RIGHT THEN, it couldn’t wait)…

Smiles, giggles, murmured sharing of their own Strange Places. A silent understanding of the urgency a FB post can have that can strike anywhere, anytime.

…It got to be that I couldn’t go anywhere without knowing I’d have the connection I needed to get my FB fix. My cell phone became permanently attached to me. And once I got that netbook…well, that was what pushed me over the edge really…

Dark clouds drift over the eyes watching me. They remember their own Edge. They remember what pushed them over. They despise me for reminding them.

 …One day, I had a fleeting moment of lucidity. I realized that the reason every dish, glass, fork and pan in the house was dirty, the reason everyone was out of clean underwear, the reason every day got so far away from me was because of it. Because of Facebook.

A few tears now, as they go from despising me to empathizing with me. They have been there too. That’s why they were here this night in the church basement on those cold, hard flesh-colored folding chairs, surrounded by cement block walls doused in ecru…as if a fancy name for “whitish” would actually take away the institutional feel of those walls.

I decided to quit.

Applause. A few “yeah!'”-s. For a brief moment, I was someone they could admire. I had made that tough decision to quit.

Cold turkey.

Gasps. Heart-clutching. One poor lady began to shake uncontrollably. I had moved beyond Nobility and into the Land of Absurdity. What? Who does that? Who just quits FB cold turkey?

I’ll tell you who does that. Someone who realizes that time is an irreplaceable commodity that must be managed well if anything meaningful is to come out of its use. Someone who realizes that clean dishes and underwear, while part of the mundane, are vital to good health and comfort. They are part of the background on this set in which we play at life. Someone’s gotta do it…and unless you can pay someone to do it for you, YOU need to do it or delegate it properly.

Ok, so maybe I didn’t actually attend a Facebookies Anonymous meeting in a cold, cement block walled church basement with flickering fluorescent lights…but the thing about the dishes was true. And there was one day that my three year old didn’t have any unders, because mama was too busy on FB to do the laundry.

And so, as of January 1, 2012, I cut myself off of FB. And in this last month, my kitchen has been clean most of the time (debilitating FB addiction aside, housework and organization and time management have never come easy to me…), the laundry is caught up, and I am able to enter my Father’s rest on the Sabbath. It’s a wonderful thing.

But so is FB and the internet. They can both have a useful purpose. Morphine, after all, is very useful in treating excruciating pain. But with anything that has the potential to become a life-controlling addiction, the key is to use them responsibly. And so, as I return to the land of FB today, I do so with some rules:

1. I will not start my day off on Facebook
2. If the dishes are dirty, NO FACEBOOK
3. If anyone is out of any kind of clothing, NO FACEBOOK
4. If my husband needs my attention or assistance, NO FACEBOOK
5. If my children need my attention or assistance, NO FACEBOOK
6. And, most importantly, if I haven’t spent quality time with my God today, NO FACEBOOK

Now, if everything is in order…my worship and work are done…then I will allow myself a reasonable amount of time on Facebook. I suspect I will have to use a timer…because time really has  a way of getting away from me. There is no Daytimer that can help me, trust me…

And if I find myself breaking the rules and my family comes to me hungry and naked as I sit at my computer completely absorbed in Facebook…I will have to cut myself off again, only the next time it probably ought to be permanently. Serving my Creator, my family and life in all it’s unpredictable bliss are far more important.

Really. I’m very sure of that. I think…be sure to watch my FB wall in case I change my mind (; And, if you see me on Facebook, don't be afraid to ask me if the dishes are done or if my family is running around naked.

4 Words to Never Say While Canoeing

 

If you ever find yourself canoeing down a river…or worse yet, heading back upstream to the boat launch after having been on the river for a while so you can go home…I would like to caution you against saying four little words. There’s nothing inherently wrong with those words, in fact, they really are good words to say. Just not when you’re in a canoe. Heading upstream…

My husband wanted to check out a potential area for duck hunting, so we packed up his newly-camo’ed canoe and headed to a fish and wildlife area about four hours away. It was a beautiful day…I saw gorgeous fall foliage on the way and was able to read a really good book I’ve been enjoying recently. 

A very nice guy helped get the canoe off the van at the boat launch and we set off down river. The scenery was beautiful, we saw all kinds of interesting things…blue herons, a boot, a crazy little house that looked like some place the team from Criminal Minds might end up at to investigate some gory crime (Dueling Banjos danced  briefly through my mind as we floated on by), several eagles – even a male Bald Eagle. It was lovely and relaxing. And I  enjoyed just spending the day with my husband.

We turned around to head back, which meant we were heading upstream. Against some pretty strong currents at times. We were very thankful for the trolling motor hubby had brought along. All was going well as we headed back to the boat launch.

And then…I had to go and silently whisper Four Little Words.

Like I said above, there’s nothing wrong with those four words. But, as I keep forgetting…they are just entirely too vague. They leave so much open to wild interpretation. I really should know better by now.

What did I say?

Here I am, so naively inviting God to speak...

In a moment of Creation-inspired awe and wonderment, I invited the God of the Universe…YHWH…Adonai…to speak to me. I wanted to hear what was on His heart. I wanted a glimpse of the multitude of thoughts He has toward me. Which are all good, according to my favorite verse:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace (wholeness, well being, health, blessing) and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Isn't this serene and beautiful?
Can you see why I was all caught up in Creation-inspired wonderment?

So there I was: heading upstream with my beloved, in awe of the beauty around me, filled with joy at being a Daughter of the King. Feeling fortunate to be part of God’s glorious and magnificent creation. And then…

GOD SPOKE.

He did not speak by tipping the canoe, for that I am very thankful. But, He spoke with an Object Lesson.

---

ob·ject lesson, noun \ˈäb-jikt-, -(ˌ)jekt-\ : something that serves as a practical example of a principle or abstract idea

---

Mere moments after offering up that silent supplication and posting via cell phone praise for the inventor of the trolling motor and the fine folks at Minn-Kota, the trolling motor got caught on a log. The new prop, fortunately, was spared any damage but the switch that controlled the speed of the motor was stuck on one speed, which was not Fast. 

I thought I was prepared for our trip, I even had a little first aid kit packed and snagged some toilet paper from a Walmart restroom…just in case. But, we did not have any tools with us. What we needed was a long philips screwdriver. My husband tried every MacGyver trick we could possibly come up with. If only we had some gum, a paper clip and a comb…

We were then faced with paddling back, for the most part. Fortunately, the trolling motor was at least not stuck in reverse. But the current was so strong in some areas it didn’t help at all. And the river would randomly go from deep to so shallow our paddles were hitting bottom with each stroke – no way could you have the motor down in the water in those places. And we were several miles down river…this was not exactly what I meant when I said “Speak to me, God.”

But God was speaking, and what I was hearing was that whenever we decide to go our own way and do things in our own strength, it is just like trying to paddle upstream. You paddle, paddle, paddle and don’t hardly get anywhere. You wear yourself out and get frustrated. Things go wrong. You find that you are completely unprepared and completely alone. It takes longer to get where you were going, and often times it is right back where you started…because you went off on the wrong way to begin with.

I know I have been through this object lesson before. Several times. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to go through it again…only, we are currently trying to discern God’s will for our family. My husband is looking for a job, we are willing to go where God says to go – we just need to hear where…and when. I feel like now is the time to go, and we are pretty sure about where. But, I guess it’s always good to be reminded NOT to try to force things before their time and not try to do them in our own strength.

Our canoe trip adventure sure didn’t go the way we expected. Why that might have been a surprise is beyond me. But, we stayed dry and unharmed, learned that we work well together in adversity, and were reminded again how important it is to "go with the flow" when it comes to God's plans for our lives. And, in spite  of it all, we had a really good time. Just ask my husband about the frog…

Don’t Miss That Train

The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to make good decisions. The kind that don’t leave the bitter aftertaste of regret behind. The kind that bring enrichment to the lives of those around us, not just to ourselves. Even with that realization, though, it can still be hard to step out and do something new when the destination is unclear. But that is where faith is important...

I read something this morning that fits our situation these days very well. It’s in Time to Rejoice: Devotions Celebrating God’s Love by several Women of Faith authors. This particular selection was written by Lisa Whelchel and was called Catch That Train.

She talked about a time when her mom called her up and asked her to go on a bike riding trip in Vermont. Neither of them were “cyclists” and she hadn’t been on a bike in years. They really had no idea what to expect and were surprised on more than one occasion. The rest of the group were obviously experienced in such things…from their gear to their abilities.

Still, they didn’t give up. They made the best of it and enjoyed the trip.

What really spoke to me was the following passage at the end of the story:

I hate to think what I might have missed had we not impulsively decided to do something we’d never done before. Or if we’d been daunted by the fact  that we didn’t have all the right training or equipment. Or if we’d given up when we learned that the journey would be longer and harder than we anticipated.

This wasn’t the first journey in my life when I truly didn’t think I could make it to the end. And I’ve certainly grumbled before like the children of Israel. But I learned that God was the one who set me on the path; He promised to go with me, and He would bring me to the destiny he planned for me from the beginning. I want to have the same attitude about these harder life journeys as my Nanny had about her life: to hop on that train. I’m sure God has something good planned!"

Her beloved Nanny  always told her “Catch that train while you can because you never know if it will pass this way again.” So it is with opportunities in life. We have to trust that the Conductor knows where He is taking the train and that we will arrive at our destination.

I have to remember right now that God is in this and He knows what He is doing. It doesn’t matter if I have the right experience or equipment right at this moment – God always equips and empowers those He calls. We will have what we need when we need it, we only need to trust Him. And listen when He speaks. He will never let us down and always has good in mind for us. Don’t miss out on the best adventures God has for you by being afraid to hop on that train!

Coffee With the Enemy

We all have people in our lives who rub us the wrong way. Some have even gone as far as to plunge a long, sharp knife deep into our back. So what do you do when God says “be a blessing to your enemy”? You have a choice to obey – or not – just like with anything else. But when God is asking you to step out and be vulnerable, He is not doing it to harm you. There is a greater purpose involved. We may never know what it is, but then that’s why HE is God and we are not. Fortunately, God created coffee on the third day and called it good. I completely agree. As for sharing with my enemy…well, I’m not real crazy about that but I’m doing it anyway.

I’m actually sitting in a local coffee shop right now. Waiting to meet with someone I honestly wish just did not exist. I’m going to buy this person coffee or tea or whatever. And I’m going to use a gift card that I won just yesterday. Because God said to do it. The worst part is that God also said “just listen.” I don’t want to “just listen!” I have an earful to give this person, if only I could. I imagine I will be nearly biting my tongue off by the end of it, but I’m going to do what God said to do. And I’m going to trust that He knows best. He knows what the purpose of this is. And He knows what the outcome will be. He even knows whether or not I will actually keep my mouth shut, something else I do not have knowledge of. My heart is <mostly> willing, but my flesh is about as weak as they come.

My guest is four minutes late. I came half an hour early, to kind of get my bearings and quiet my spirit as much as possible. Every time the door opens I cringe inside.  I don’t want to do this. But now my guest has arrived…

---

Well, that was just weird. And awkward. And I don’t really know what to make of it. A lot of uncomfortable silence. A lot of talk about this that and the other thing. I made small talk. I agreed with some things that were said. But for the most part, I kept my tongue in check. Not like I was planning on going on some kind of rant and rave…although I could have reached down deep inside and pulled that knife out…and used it.  

But…God said “just listen.” There was even an offer for me to get whatever I had to say off my heart, but I said “No, God said listen and that’s what I’m doing.”

I can’t tell you what a miracle that was. That I was obedient. That I was immediately obedient. And that I kept my tongue under control…well, that is definitely an amazing feat of biblical proportions, believe me!

What will come of it? I don’t know. I didn’t notify my guest that I planned on buying and they bought a drink before sitting down. So, I explained about the gift card and slid it over. I blessed my enemy today. Only good can come of that, right? I’m trying not to think about the times before when treachery followed blessing. I’m trying to trust that God will use this situation for the good of all involved.

I am afraid the other party thinks we will do more of this in the future. It’s not something I’m necessarily wanting to do. But if God says “Do It” then I will. I don’t have the privilege of seeing the Big Picture, so I don’t know how this odd-shaped piece fits into the puzzle. Guess that’s why He’s God and I am…simply not.