The Miracle Pill (Updated 8-3-11)

Have you ever wished you could just take a pill and everything would be all better? It’s hard to believe that it could be that simple, but for me…well, I think I really have found a “miracle pill.” You don’t really know how bad you feel until you suddenly feel good. I mean really, really good. And you actually feel like living, not just surviving, each day. Let me introduce you to my new friend, Levothyroxine…

I have suspected for years that my thyroid was low, but any time it was tested, the result was always the same – normal. There’s a family history of low thyroid, so it seemed reasonable that the tiredness and fatigue, memory problems, irritability, increasing intolerance to cold, inability to focus and thinning hair just might be related to a hormonal imbalance such as low thyroid. But, if the test result is normal, then that can’t be the problem, right?

Wrong. I learned while researching thyroid problems that there is a grey area in the “normal” range…the higher the number on a TSH test, the lower your thyroid level is, so the closer you get to the upper limit of the normal range, the more likely you are to have symptoms of hypothyroidism. And when your numbers are at the high end of normal and you’re presenting with symptoms like those I listed above, they call that subclinical hypothyroidism. I discovered that while reading the book, The Thyroid Solution: A Revolutionary Mind-Body Program That Will Help You by Arem Ridha. I really felt empowered, after reading this book, to discuss my concerns with my doctor. I also feel fortunate that my doctor was willing to examine the possibility, as many doctors won’t even consider treatment for low thyroid if your test is “normal.”

Did you see that picture up there of the two tiny orange pills? Those are my “miracle pills”. I started taking the lowest dose there is, and a week later it felt like someone flipped a switch on in my head. For the first time in years - I’d say possibly for the first time in my adult life, and particularly in the last three years since having my son – I can think straight, concentrate, and focus. I have an energy level I have never, ever had as long as I can remember, which is great because I actually WANT to do things! I even physically move faster.I don’t feel like I’m wandering around in a fog anymore. In fact, I did more housework, cleaning, decluttering and organizing in four days than I’ve done in the last six months combined..or more! It’s simply amazing…one little bitty pill has completely changed my life. 

Now, if the doctor had just prescribed the Levothyroxine three months ago like I wanted to begin with, I’d have had three months of feeling good, and losing weight, under my belt…kind of makes me mad when I think about all the years I’ve spent feeling like poo and beating myself up because I just couldn’t “get it together”. 

Even though Levothyroxine is my “miracle pill”, I can’t forget that I have years of bad habits to overcome. I think it will be easier now that my brain is no longer a bowl of rice pudding, however. Because feeling good just feels amazing…especially when you realize just how bad you were feeling.

***UPDATE***

After taking levothyroxine for several weeks, I began to notice a gradual decline in energy level and motivation...returning almost to where I was before I started taking it, only I could still think more clearly. I called my doctor and we did blood tests again, the TSH test and A1C. I mentioned what I had found about metformin possibly causing thyroid levels to decrease but the nurse said "No, it doesn't do that." I find this interesting, because it was just like when I started taking metformin to begin with...initially I felt better (getting my blood sugar under control, I'm sure, was the factor there) but then after 4 to 6 weeks or so, I began to once again become lethargic and completely unmotivated and the mental fog began to increase again, after having subsided noticeably. The same thing happened here when I started taking the levothyroxine...and guess what? At the same time I started taking that, she increased the dose of metformin I was taking. A coinicidence? Maybe...but I have my doubts.  What I had read about the connection between metformin and lower thyroid levels was, of course, theory and more study is needed but it seems to me, in my case anyway, that there may be a connection.

My thyroid test showed a slight increase in thyroid hormone, which of course would account for the overall improvement in how I'm feeling, but since I'm still experiencing symptoms she went ahead and increased my dose. While I don't have that same level of energy I had when I first started taking it, over all, I feel better and hope this increase in dose will do it. At least she was happy with my A1C reading and didn't increase that dreadful metformin. I can't wait to get off of that! 

SOAP Devotion: Psalm 15

Honestly, when I asked God what to read today, I heard “Psalm fiftee…and knew He was saying Psalm 15, but I remember what that Psalm is and I guess didn’t want to read it (again!) so I think I changed it to Psalm Fiftee-two…I do that sometimes…I know what God is saying but I don’t want to hear it so I change it to something else. Not a good practice, really. It’s the human in me, I guess. But, after reading Psalm 52, I knew that just wasn’t it and I had interjected my own thoughts into the answer so I read Psalm 15. Again. Have you read Psalm 15? If so, can you see why I avoid it?  God brings me back to this passage repeatedly…He must be trying to tell me something…

Today’s reading is Psalm 15

Scripture: Those who live a blameless life, who behave uprightly, who speak truth from their hearts… Psalm 15:2

Observation:  Who can live in Your tabernacle…who can live on Your holy mountain? Who can abide in Your Presence? Those who live blamelessly…uprightly…truthfully…

Application:  Um…so doesn’t that mean no one can live there? Who really lives blamelessly? Is it the all-or-nothing-ness of the way my mind works that makes me think that blameless means perfect…no sin, no mistakes. Not humanly possible!! Isn’t this completely unfair?

The Strong’s entry for “uprightly”: 

from <H8552> (tamam); entire (literal, figurative or moral); also (as noun) integrity, truth :- without blemish, complete, full, perfect, sincerely (-ity), sound, without spot, undefiled, upright (-ly), whole.

—Strong's Talking Greek & Hebrew Dictionary

There it is…just as I suspected…“perfect”. But also, a glimmer of hope, as “sincere” is listed there. I know, and so does God, that perfect is impossible in this life. He also knows my heart, and that I sincerely want to “get it right.” Thankfully, His Son is my strength! Through Christ, I can do all things…even those that seem impossible. And because of His great mercy, there is forgiveness when I blow it.

I think that’s why I have not wanted to read this Psalm. It just seemed like an impossible standard…one more thing for me to use to beat myself up for not “measuring up”. I will never, in this body…in this life on earth…measure up to Christ, but it is still the goal for which I strive. To love others as He did. To walk in truth. To be so connected to the Father that everything I do and say is only what the Father does and says.

Lofty goals, to be sure. Unattainable, impossible…on my own. God always has a way of reminding me that apart from Him, I can do nothing. That I need Him as much as I need air, water and food.

Prayer:  Abba Father…thank you for finally helping me to overcome the dread at reading this passage. Thank You for helping me to see that it isn’t meant to belittle or demean me, but to encourage me to keep reaching for that goal of perfection in Christ. Thank You for Your great and tender mercy that you lavishly pour out when I blow it and seek your forgiveness…the one thing I always find when I look for it! Thank You that today, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

SOAP Devotion: Isaiah 25

This morning, I woke up with a song in my head…well, part of one anyway. The lyrics went “Oh death/where is your sting?” I knew that was from a verse in the Bible, so that was where I decided to read today…only reading 1 Corinthians 15 was like reading Fundamentals of Actuarial Practice…dry and not exciting in the least. God!! Your word is alive, so why does this seem so dead? I read it again…all 58 verses…and again…and this time, it occurred to me that perhaps I was reading the wrong passage. It makes reference to a verse in the Old Testament – Isaiah 25:8 – so off to Isaiah 25 I went, and it was like jumping into a sparkling pool on a hot summer’s day…refreshing and vibrant!

Today’s Reading is Isaiah 25

Scripture:  He will swallow up death forever. Adonai ELOHIM will wipe away the tears from every face, and he will remove from all the earth the disgrace his people suffer. For ADONAI has spoken. Isaiah 25:8

Observation:  Adonai ELOHIM is my defender, my protector, my comforter, my provider…He vindicates, He lavishly pours out grace and blessings. And one day soon, death will be put in its place.

Application:  It was hard to just choose one verse to focus on this time. Sometimes, a verse will just “pop out” to me as I read…almost like the Holy Spirit grabs ahold of me and gives me a little shake…or a big one, depending on what circumstances are whirling around in my life at the time. This whole passage spoke to me about how my Abba Father is always there to defend me, to protect me, to destroy my enemies and vindicate me. He also comforts me and lavishes His grace and mercy on me. And the promise to hold on to here is that one day, death will be “swallowed up”…there will be no more death, no more tears, no more disgrace for His people.

As I face difficult situations…difficult people…and difficulties in general, I know that He is always there with me…a strong tower to run to in time of need. A strong pair of arms to hold me and comfort me. And gentle, loving hands that extravagantly place before me a feast of rich food and wine – His word, His Spirit – to nourish and bless me.

Prayer:  Daddy, thank You for always being there when I need You…and even when I think I don’t. I’m so glad You’ve got my back! You know what lies ahead for me, what difficulties I will face each coming day, and You’ve already prepared all that I will need to get through each situation. I long for the day when death will be swallowed up forever, for the day when disgrace is not a word in my vocabulary or anyone else’s, because you have restored honor and dignity. Help me to grab hold of all You’ve laid out on Your beautiful banquet table for me today.

SOAP Devotion: Psalm 42

What is SOAP? Click on the logo above to learn more about it! 

My quick answer is…it’s a new tool for me to use to help me with regular devotional time.  I’ve done well in the past with having regular devotional time, but have “fallen off the wagon” yet again. I want to have a firmly established routine of regular time spent with God in His word…but I’m also a homeschooling mother with a very busy three year old, so it’s not like I can just spend as much time as I want every day lounging at the feet of Jesus, much as I would like to do just that. Even though I’m not a big fan of timers or saying “OK God, I can give you 20 minutes today…” I have to be realistic about the season of life in which I find myself at the moment.  In a Mary day, there has to be some Martha moments…

Today’s Reading is Psalm 42

Scripture:  By day ADONAI commands his grace, and at night his song is with me as a prayer to the God of my life.  Psalm 42:8

Observation: God is with me day and night, not one second of any day is He not there beside me. He commands His grace in my life and places a song within me, a unique and precious song for me to sing back to Him…a prayer only He and I share.

Application: The title of this Psalm in my bible is Yearning for God in the Midst of Distresses. How appropriate for me right now! While it’s not the typical external shaking I’m used to, but rather an internal sifting and shaking, it is still distressing. I still yearn for God’s presence, because I don’t always feel Him near me. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel abandoned. Sometimes I feel like my son must feel when he wants something and I’m busy doing dishes…or wasting time on Facebook…like I’m bothering Him with my requests.

But, God is always there, even when I don’t feel like He is. Day and night, He is with me…He is watching over every nanosecond of my day, He is guarding me as I sleep…He sings over me…a special song that only He knows. I can know this song too, He longs to share it with me…it is a love song between my Lord and I…if only I will quiet my soul, my mind, and listen. And when I sing this song back to Him, it touches His heart and He moves in my life and on my behalf. He commands his grace…and it must obey His voice. I must also obey…and obedience brings blessing!

Prayer:  Adonai…help me to quiet my soul and my mind! Help me to set aside those thoughts and feelings that distract me from your presence, that interfere with hearing your sweet and precious voice. I want to hear your song each day…I want to sing it back to you, as a prayer of devotion and love, of praise and wonder for who You are.  I want to be a blessing to those around me…help me to be obedient so your blessings will flow through me and touch everyone I come in contact with…even those who are hard to love. Help me to hear Your voice only, and not my own, which will tell me that someone may not deserve your grace. In truth, no one “deserves” your grace, including myself…and yet, You pour it out on us anyway, because You love us. Thank You, for loving me so very much.

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

Schedules and plans and routines - oh my - three words that are not essential parts of my vocabulary! What about you? I know many people plan, have set routines and schedules, but I never seem to be able to pull it off...at least not for any length of time. They say it takes 21 days for a habit to form. If I can just stick with a "plan" or a "system" for 21 days, then maybe it will stick! The problem is, I don't know how to make myself stick with the program.

I had a supervisor at a job once who helped me see, somewhat, what my trouble with time is:  for me, time is fluid, not concrete.  I don't see time in little blocks that can be stacked or lined up and rearranged at will, but rather as a large, constantly moving mass that is just all over everywhere at any given moment. Multi-tasking is not my strong suit, really. For example, as I type this right now I am burning a pancake. Why? Because I was checking some blogs while my sourdough pancakes were cooking and came across this great post at Graceful Abandon about 21-Day Meal Planning. Which inspired me to blog about time, planning, and schedules. And the next thing I know, I turn around and notice the burners under my skillets are still on...and I had a foggy notion about cooking something...OH NO!! MY PANCAKES!! Seriously...I may need some medication...

Fluid is dynamic. It is powerful. It can carve through granite over time...when it is channeled properly. It takes on the shape of any container it's put in, so it's also flexible and easily manipulated. It can also quickly engulf a low-lying area and destroy and drown everything within when it is out of control. What a perfect analogy for time in my life. When I think of all of the good, productive things I could have done with time wasted or just not channeled properly, I want to cry. I'm turning 40 this year...and can never get one mismanaged second of those 40 years back for a "do over."

I have to chuckle a little...when I came up with the name for this blog, I was set on living my life on purpose with the principles I hold dear. And yet, a year might have gone by...I can't remember for sure when I started this blog...and I still struggle with the same issues when it comes to time and the management thereof.  My purpose each day is vaguely to get up, get through the day, go to bed and start all over...hopefully doing something important that will have a positive impact in the light of eternity. I don't really think I'm doing what I set out to do. So, the chuckle turns to remorse...and a renewed sense of determination to finally tame time. 

Just as with the changes I've made in how I cook and what we eat were made with a little here and a little there, along with plenty of grace for the times we end up eating something less than ideal, I also have to try and implement changes in this area in baby steps too. I can't wake up tomorrow and be instantly scheduley and routiney, no matter how much I may desire that. But what change to start with first?

First, I need to remember to not solely rely upon my own understanding...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

My devotional times need to include checking in with God about His plans for my day...fortunately, His plans for me are good, and I will find them when I seek Him with my whole heart...

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Ultimately, my priorities need to be in line with God's heart and will for my life each day. No amount of time management, scheduling, planning or routines will matter at all if I am not living fully and purposefully for God. And as my priorities line up with God's, my days will become more purposeful, more meaningful, and more satisfying. I have to remember that life is more than checking off items on a to-do list...but that to-do list, that routine, plan or schedule - if implemented properly - will allow me to live more purposefully and have more time to devote to the things that matter most...

Serving my God

Loving my family

Blessing my friends

Reaching the lost

and savoring really, really good coffee...

Mushrooms and Memories on Mother's Day

My 10 year old daughter took this picture today...I love it!

Today is Mother's Day...how did you celebrate the day? We spent the afternoon at a local State Park, on the hunt for the elusive (at least for us, anyway) Morel mushroom. My husband always says that Mother's Day weekend is the best time to find them. How ironic for me, though...to spend "my" special day searching for something I don't even like! Yeah, I am not a big fan of mushrooms. But I enjoy looking for them with my husband, and our daughter seems to have the mushroom eye. Daddy said she could go along mushroom hunting with him any time!  One word of advice though...mushroom hunting with a three year old...a very busy three year old boy...is not easy. But it was so fun to see him having fun and experiencing the wonder of God's creation! Here are some pictures of our day, one we will all remember, I hope!

First, we play...while daddy scouts out some potential mushroom spots

The first casualty of the day...a splinter

Not sure how I got Little Mister to be still and pose so nicely, but glad for the great shot of my precious kiddos!

After texting daddy that the natives were getting restless and thirsty, he came back and unlocked the van. We had a quick snack and some water and then hit the trail...each with our own "mushroom stick"

Mushroom Hunter and Apprentice...lesson one, the stance

Mister tries his hand at searching for mushrooms

Look what Hannah found! Daddy walked right by it!

Her first mushroom...a half-free Morel

I couldn't believe I actually found a real Morel...this is the first Morel I've ever found!

We love nature...it's so fun! Except for the swarms of gnats lying in wait along the trail...

The kids and I stopped at the lake while Daddy ventured into the deep, dark woods to find some more mushrooms. Mister probably tossed half the gravel there into the lake! Here, he is observing the effects of gravity and fluid dynamics (:

It was very beautiful and serene here...I wished that Bob Ross was there to help me paint some happy little trees...

Some people say "cheese"...we say "Happy Stinkin' Gnat Day"
There were A LOT of gnats...it was like a Biblical Gnat plague, seriously...

Mister did great on our long trek in the woods at "Tato Creep" park...but fizzled out at the end and Daddy had to carry him a while. What a trouper though!

Our Morel "Motherload" - about a pound or so. Daddy found the biggest ones on his first search while we were at the playground.

Today was just absolutely lovely. The weather was perfect...a little over 70 degrees and sunny...we all just had a great time. It was so relaxing to stroll along in all that nature and drink in the beauty of all that God created. And marvel at the children He used me to create as well. I am so blessed to be their mother! God could have picked anyone to fill that role, but He chose me...sometimes I can't figure out exactly why, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I will lay down and sleep in perfect peace tonight...

Watch Out…Extremists are Attacking Women!

Sometimes I just can’t believe what is going on in this country. Observing political “discourse” is like hanging out at an elementary school playground…or a junior high school…and watching the superb socialization and interaction that goes on there.   I recently signed a petition to support not using some dangerous chemical on our food crops. Today, I checked my email and found an email from CREDO, the organization behind the petition, declaring that extremists are attacking women. Being a woman, of course, I was alarmed…

The subject of the email was “Rep. Stutzman voted to redefine rape.”  Alright, that is intriguing…just how can one redefine rape? I’m a pretty black-and-white person…rape is rape, there is no gray area…just like gluten-free, to me, means there’s no gluten in something, not just a trace…something the FDA apparently can’t decide on. Right is right, wrong is wrong…and yes, there are at times difficult and extenuating circumstances but for me, it all rests on a black and white foundation.

I was then informed that “251 extremists in the House of Representatives voted yesterday to approve an anti-choice bill that would significantly restrict women's access to abortion services and even "redefine rape." “ Anti-choice, of course, means anti-abortion…pro-choice does not tolerate a person choosing to not support abortion. I was also informed that my representative voted for it and was then encouraged to click on a link to tell him that I “consider his vote on H.R.3 to be an attack on women.”

Good grief…really? An elected official, voting according to what he believes to be right and good for the nation, is attacking women? Anyone with any sense of morality, any amount of maturity above the level of a teenager, and any common sense should be able to see that this group of people, while passionate about what they believe to be right and good, are stooping to juvenile levels and viciously attacking and name-calling because someone else has the audacity to have their own (differing)  opinion!

What about tolerance? What about diversity? I thought we were all supposed to be free to believe and live (and vote) how we want? This double-standard absolutely drives me out of my ever-lovin’ mind.  Pro-choice only means choosing to support abortion…what a misleading choice of wording.  Even more disturbing is that so many people are apparently incapable of rightly discerning the truth behind the pro-abortion movement’s “noble” cause of affording women everywhere the right to “choose.”

I have exercised my own right, as a woman, to choose to not support abortion. And don’t argue with me about poor women not having access to the health care they “need.”  The end does not justify the means. There is no situation in which I can believe that a bill that restricts abortions in some way is going to negatively impact women’s health. You want poor women to not be denied health “care”? How about we start with what gets them in trouble to begin with? But then we have to examine morality, and since morality can not, in actuality, have gray areas, it infringes on a person’s right to live their life how they please, consequences be damned.

I can not, in good conscience, remain on the email list of an organization that supports and encourages women to kill their own children. Fortunately, not only was there a link to be removed from the email list, there was also a box to comment on why I wanted to be removed. I doubt I’ll ever hear back from them regarding my comments…although if I do, I suspect it will be to condemn me for the CHOICE I made to not support the “pro-choice” movement.

Here is my comment:

I can agree with some of CREDO's positions (such as not using dangerous chemicals on our food), but can not support an organization that supports the killing of innocent human beings. CREDO obviously is infected with the same juvenile, hypocritical intolerance typical of many liberals...evidenced by the inflammatory and outrageous statement that "extremists" voting on an "anti-choice" bill to redefine rape is an "attack" on women. It apparent to me that "pro-choice", as defined by liberals, means people have the RIGHT to CHOOSE...ONLY as long as they choose to support abortion. If they exercise their RIGHT to CHOOSE to NOT support abortion, then they are demonized and called "extremists" who "attack" women. How so many people can be blind to this obvious double-standard, this INTOLERANCE to any beliefs or positions that are different than their own while demanding that everyone has the right to live and believe as they want to is beyond me. Honestly, watching the political discourse in this country is like observing children on the playground...cliques and temper-tantrums and name-calling...I can't believe this is the America I grew up loving and believing was the best country in the world. PROGRESSIVE? I don't think so...progress means moving forward, not regressing to elementary-level tactics.

And so, in light of this, I do not wish to receive any more emails from CREDO. Please, consider my opinion with an open mind, if that is at all possible for you, before labeling me one of those "extremist" right-wing nut-jobs who are out to "attack" women...I am a woman, and I am exercising my RIGHT to CHOOSE - and I choose to believe that human life begins at conception, that every embryo is unique in his or her own DNA and has the potential, if not destroyed, to become something wonderful. What if, in one of these abortions you so passionately fight for, the one human being who could have cured cancer was killed? Or the group of people, had they been allowed to live, who could have established world peace, now are tossed out like trash...and what if your own mother  had chosen to kill YOU...do you ever think about that? This is what I have chosen to believe, can you put to practice what you preach and let me believe it without resorting to calling me names...can you be tolerant of MY beliefs?

So, if you consider believing that a human being is a human being at the moment he or she is conceived, just like a dog is a dog, a chicken is a chicken, a cat is a cat (for that is, after all, what each will become if they are allowed to develop unmolested); or if the term “pro-choice” actually means one is allowed to choose a side in this issue without being viciously attacked and called names, then please, by all means, call me extreme. I love my children, whom I chose to carry and give birth to, in the most extreme sense of the word…and I’m quite proud to be extreme. But don’t you dare say that because I don’t support your twisted view of human life that I am “attacking” women.