Sometimes conversations with God are, well, interesting. He always knows best, yet still gives us the freedom to choose. Here’s a bit of a chat God and I had this morning…
“Do you see that right there?”
“Yes, God…that’s that thing behind what I hate in myself…that thing that drives me to be what I don’t want to be”
“It’s a very deep, very old wound. You don’t even know what, exactly, it is.”
“Do I need to know?”
“We’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?”
“Yes, child, we have. Have you noticed I never say ‘How many times do I have to tell you…’?”
“Yes, God…thanks for that…”
“Are you ready to be free? Are you ready to let me remove that thing? It might be kind of painful…”
“Well, I think so…I mean, yes, I want to be free…but I’m not crazy about the painful part. Do you mean like you’re going to reach in and rip it out real quick, or I’ll be splayed out on the operating table for hours…days...weeks...months...years?”
“It’s up to you.”
From there, I proceeded to outline precisely the types of pain I did not wish to experience and possible procedures that I felt would not be helpful at all in the removal and healing of this deep-seated wound. Isn’t that something…me telling the One who knit me together in my mother’s womb how to fix me…when I don’t even fully understand the nature of the problem?
I imagined God as a surgeon…I’m sure he was smiling behind that mask. Kind of like when my son came to me the other day and informed me that frogs were dangerous. Because they have sharp teeth. I just smiled (well, tried not to burst out laughing, actually) and said that was very interesting and good to know. He was serious about the matter, but didn’t know what he was talking about. I’m seeing a similar picture here with myself.
You see, I’m very serious about being free from this old, nasty wound. I hate who I am at times...the way I react to situations or treat the ones I love the most. I know the impetus is that Wounded Place in my heart. It’s like a cancer, really. It’s eating me up inside, slowly but surely. But I don’t even know what it is…and yet, I think I can tell the Master Surgeon how to remove it. I don’t know what I’m talking about.
It’s great that God involves us in coordinating our spiritual health care plan. Sometimes, though, I wish He wouldn’t give me a choice – I have a hard time making decisions sometimes, especially when the options involve pain of undisclosed levels and intensities. “It might be kind of painful” is rather vague.
Anesthesia…that’s what I need.
16And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--17The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know and recognize Him. But you know and recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.18I will not leave you as orphans [comfortless, desolate, bereaved, forlorn, helpless]…
John 14:16-18 (AMP)
The sweet words of my precious Savior. Why should I give place to fear? It is just as destructive as the thing inside that is slowly eating me up, destroying the good in me bit by bit. And why shouldn’t I let God reform my spiritual health care? What I’ve been doing on my own really hasn’t been working so well. It’s time for a new approach…a ‘hands-off’ approach, if you will. Well, at least a MY hands-off approach…God’s hands fashioned me to begin with and He is fully able (and willing) to mend the broken areas in my heart.
Ok, God…I think I’m ready…let’s just get this over with, shall we? I’m going with Option A – Just Rip It Out Already…have at it…
I AM Jehova-Rapha...Yahweh-Rophe…I AM the God who heals you…
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